Celebrities will be receiving goodie bags at the Oscars with kits for collecting and preserving DNA in them.

The goodie bags, given to Oscar winners and other attendees usually contain free gifts such as holidays, make up and underarm sweat pads.

This year, with Hollywood looking to make amends for recent scandals they contain practical gifts.

Time’s Up, the body set up to end harassment within Hollywood has welcomed the move. One spokeswoman said, “We welcome this development. Having kits that will help actors and actresses preserve evidence when they’re assaulted by somebody who has had a couple of glasses of champagne.”

But some say that the bags do not go  far enough. When asked about them one Time’s Up member said, “It doesn’t go far enough. We need pepper spray as well.”

In addition to forensic evidence gathering kits, some goodie bags will contain a free weekend retreat where actors and directors can learn the best ways to destroy forensic evidence. There are also chemistry classes on offer to teach the synthesis of drugs such as Rohypnol.

One actor said, “Initially I thought the condoms and rubber gloves were a safe sex promotion. Turns out, it’s to cut the chances of getting identified with DNA evidence. The grooming and shaving kit comes in handy for this as well.”

Elsewhere, Kevin Spacey is expected to pay tribute to Sir Anthony Hopkins portrayal of Hannibal Lecter. The actor will be wheeled in wearing a mask whilst strapped to a trolley and kept in a cage surrounded by bullet proof glass. His film, Baby Driver has received 3 nominations.

Finally, there are unconfirmed reports that some of the bags contain a weekend in Burnley with a KFC family bucket included.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.