Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael

Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael. A mass of floral tribute has already began to appear outside...

BBC at a loss to explain low ratings for “Bantmeister” Grimshaw

BBC bosses are completely at a loss to explain why Nick Grimshaw's BBC Radio 1 breakfast show has suffered its biggest drop in ratings since RAJAR began collecting data in 1992. Grimshaw, who has...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering singer has told reporters "Look, i just made it up...

Beautiful South Issue Product Recall Over “Song for Whomever”

Paul Heaton of The Beautiful South has apologised to fans and recalled all recordings after a significant grammatical error came to light on "Song for Whoever". In a press statement, Paul said he was mortified...

Home Office announce 40,000 new Police jobs to counter threat of future Justin Bieber...

Enough is enough. Amber Rudd rounded on those who “tolerate” Justin Bieber as she told them: “Enough is enough”. The Home Secretary chided all who provide “safe spaces” for Bieber - in “real life”...

Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod

In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party Supremo Jeremy Corbyn has seen his popularity rating soaring to...
Spice Girls

Sean Spicer to reform Spice Girls with former band-mate Paul Nuttall

Disgraced former White House press spokesman Sean "Ginger" Spicer has announced that he plans to return to his original career as an air headed exponent of "girl power" with his former chart topping group. "The Spice Girls". Spicer...
Corbyn Glastonbury

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these prices they must all be bloody rich as Croesus.  Let's...
Ed Sheeran

Bloke who knocked Ed Sheeran off bike given MBE for services to music industry

The man who ran over Ed Sheeran and broke his arm will receive an MBE in the new year’s honours list, it has been revealed. Police officers and government officials set about identifying the perpetrator...
Jeremy Corbyn

Corbyn stuns Glastonbury with acapella cover of Prodigy’s Firestarter on Pyramid Stage

Jeremy Corbyn left the bustling fields of Glastonbury in stunned silence this afternoon after performing an accapella ballad of the renowned Prodigy song 'Firestarter'. Corbyn cooly walked out onto the main stage of the popular...
Phil Collins

Singer-songwriter Phil Collins to release Death Metal album

Phil Collins is set to release an album of previously unheard material made up of songs classified as being from the extreme subgenre of heavy metal music. The Grammy award winning artist confirmed that...

A-ha Star In Blaze Nightmare

A source close to 80’s Norwegian heartthrob Morten Harket, of synthpop sensations A-ha, has confirmed that the housewives’ favourite was rushed to hospital last week following a blaze at the house in Oslo he...

Dolly Parton to re-release classic ‘9 to 5’ as ‘8 to 6 on a...

Music industry representatives were bouncing off walls this morning with the news that megastar Dolly Parton is to re-release her classic smash hit ‘9 to 5’, re-titled ‘8 to 6 on a zero hours...

Google crashes as hipsters race to be “lifelong influenced” by Fats Domino

The death of the latest life-long influence of people too painfully cool for words, Fats Domino, has caused a Google Crash despite everyone thinking he was already dead. The desperate search for the "Did...
The Pope

If Barry Manilow is gay then I’m a Catholic says Pope

Housewives favourite and renowned woman shagger Barry Manilow stunned the world yesterday by finally revealing he's gay.

Songwriter reveals “Always something there to remind me” was written about Herpes

The Burt Bacharach song, "Always something there to remind me" was written about Herpes. Or that's according to a new documentary to be screened on digital music channel, Scotch Egg 1 over Christmas. During the...

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