Jeremy Corbyn left the bustling fields of Glastonbury in stunned silence this afternoon after performing an accapella ballad of the renowned Prodigy song ‘Firestarter’.

Corbyn cooly walked out onto the main stage of the popular annual festival, to the chanting of ‘Corbyn is a lad’ from thousands of middle class tossers wearing hundreds of pounds worth of hippy-chic attire.

The leader of the Labour party dubbed as ‘the people’s Prime Minister’ took the microphone and said to the crowd “Glastonbury, how the fuck are you? I dedicate this to the strong and stable Prime Minister, the punkin’ instigator, Theresa fucking May!”

The techno anthem was given a melodic and jazzy twist by Corbyn who was wearing faux moleskin trousers and a tie-dye tank top with a beige sports jacket with leather elbow patches.

During the verse I’m the bitch you hated, filth infatuated’ a 20ft poster of the PM was unfurled from the stage rigging.

Corbyn’s rendition finished to the view of thousands of lighters swaying like his ratings in the popularity poles and a stunned silence from the crowd. Moments later wild applause and cheering of ‘encore’ filled the valley.

Jeremy was genuinely surprised that so many stoned middle-class politics students would be so welcoming. Some have speculated that he may have broken some kind of record by playing to the largest ever echo-chamber in history.

Mr Corbyn took a bow and thanked the crowd.

“Thank you kindly. I dedicate this next one to my fellow MP and a wild weekend we had back in ’79; Smack, My, Bitch, Up!”

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19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.