Gaza

Israel celebrates Eurovision win by bombing Gaza strip

Israel has celebrated winning the Eurovision song contest with a massive aerial bombardment of the Gaza Strip and shooting dead some Palestinian civilians. Nine Palestinian civilians were shot dead in clashes between Palestine and heavily...
Tony Montana

Tony Montana to become new White House communications director

Tony Montana is set to become White House communications director following the sacking of Anthony Scaramucci today. Mr Montana was last seen toting M16A1 guns and yelling, "Say hello to my little friends" before being...

Leaked memo from US Embassy in London written in Crayon

There has been shock amongst diplomatic circles this morning after a leaked memo written in crayon from the US Ambassador in London revealed that a Trump appointed diplomat can read and write.
Garda

Emergency services called after Bob Geldof disappears up his own arse

Two fire engines along with police and ambulance crews were called to the centre of Dublin after reports came in that a man had vanished up his own arse. A number of people were treated...

British expats outraged as boat full of migrants wash up on their Spanish beach

Beachgoers were surprised by the sight of dozens of migrants scrambling out of the surf today at the Playa de los Alemanes resort in Spain’s Cadiz province. A vessel carrying migrants from the north African...
Trump Idiotic

Book criticising Trump to be boycotted by people who have never bought a book.

There is growing support among Republican voters for a nationwide boycott of the book 'Fire and Fury' which contains several damaging claims about President Trump. It is estimated that millions of Republicans, representing approximately 0.01%...
Trump Child

Department of Justice confirms that if indicted Trump will be tried as an adult

The Department of Justice has confirmed that if and when Donald Trump is indicted for colluding with Russia during the 2016 Presidential election he will have to stand trial as an adult. The U.S. Department...

Terrorists ‘disappointed’ to be rewarded with 72 vegans in heaven

Typographical error blamed for afterlife reward mix-up The five jihadists involved in last Saturday's Spanish terror attack have expressed 'disappointment' upon receiving the heavenly reward of their heroic martyrdom of 72 vegans upon entering paradise...
Space Rocket

Audi driver becomes first in space after tailgating Tesla into orbit

A Rochdale man has become the first Rochdale resident to go into space. Ted Skeat, 48 achieved the feat by tailgating a Tesla car on the back of a rocket Elon Musk sent into space...
Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Great Russian Bake-off after other contestants fall ill

Vladimir Putin has won the Russian version of Celebrity Great British Bake-off after all the other contestants sadly died in tragic but mysterious circumstances. Mr Putin started competing in the latest series in January this...
Woman who put cat in a wheelie bin

Woman who put cat in wheelie bin appointed goodwill ambassador to World Wildlife Fund

In a controversial move the World Wildlife Fund has appointed that old woman who was filmed putting a cat in a wheelie bin in 2010 as a “goodwill ambassador” to tackle animal welfare worldwide. World...
Ladder

Trump’s view on border wall evolves after learning the word ‘ladder’

Donald Trump has sensationally dropped his controversial border wall plan, a key election promise, after seeing one of his Mexican labourers use a ladder for the first time.

Tim Nice But Dim appointed UK Ambassador to the EU

In a surprise move Theresa May has appointed Tim Nice But Dim UK Amabassador to the EU.
Bob Geldof

Sanctimonious tax avoiding ex-pat hands back key to city he doesn’t live in for...

London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin. Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays very little tax whilst complaining about how countries treat their...
Hugh Hefner

Playboy Bunnies surprised to find Hugh Hefner stiffer than usual

Notorious Bachelor and soft core pornographer Hugh Hefner was pronounced dead this morning at his home, the Playboy Mansion, Los Angeles. Early reports indicate that the blonde bimbo aficionado had died of natural causes at...
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President made a series of controversial comments about knife crime in...

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