All your medals belong to us – Says China

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As the country basks in the glory of Team GB's second place in the Olympic medal table, China released a press statement saying, "The People's Republic of China wishes to congratulate the British team for...
Donald Genius Trump

Donald Trump shits on White House floor after learning Obama uses toilets

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News is emerging this morning that Donald Trump has started defecating on the floor like a dog after learning that Barack Obama uses toilets. Several cleaners in the White...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

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When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”

Trump rally cancels book burning as supporters have no books to burn

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Plans for an official book burning at a Trump rally in Bumshart California had to be scrapped yesterday after it emerged Trump supporters in the state own no books. The book bonfire was to be...

12th Doctor Who to Run for French Presidency 

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Peter Capaldi AKA The Doctor has expressed an interest in becoming the French President at the next election. The current Timelord who is also famous for playing the sweary Malcolm Tucker in the hit...

Giuliani wins Black Man of the Year

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Raving Republican Trump-nugget and ex New York mayor, Rudy Giuliani, was voted Black Man of the Year today after it turned out he's done more to save black lives than Beyonce. After...
Trump Air Force one

Former military cadet fulfils lifelong ambition to visit Vietnam despite agonisingly debilitating bonespurs

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A former military cadet has finally fulfilled his dream to visit Vietnam despite suffering from debilitating bonespurs. The man, now in his seventies, is said to have been gutted...

Donald Trump hires Hugo Boss to design new ‘Cabinet Uniform’

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The controversial decision to hire Hugo Boss was openly discussed by The President-elect, Donald J. Trump, on Good Morning America yesterday during a catwalk segment. When asked about his favourite clothing label, Mr. Trump, apparently...
American Police

Shock as a US Police Department goes a whole day without shooting somebody

There was consternation across the US yesterday after the police department in Bumshart Nebrahoma went a whole day without shooting an unarmed black civilian. Heavily armed policeman in the US have been routinely shooting civilians...

US announces National Police Shooting League

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Excitement is mounting in the United States ahead of the launch of the National Police Shooting League. 20,000 law enforcement agencies will be competing for the coveted title of Most Lethal after the Federal Government...
Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Great Russian Bake-off after other contestants fall ill

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Vladimir Putin has won the Russian version of Celebrity Great British Bake-off after all the other contestants sadly died in tragic but mysterious circumstances. Mr Putin started competing in the latest series in January this...

College Professor assaults Trump supporter

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A college professor in the US has come under fire from leading figures in the Republican Party after he allegedly assaulted a number of completely innocent Trump supporters during a visit to...

Leaked memo from US Embassy in London written in Crayon

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There has been shock amongst diplomatic circles this morning after a leaked memo written in crayon from the US Ambassador in London revealed that a Trump appointed diplomat can read and write.

Gassing orphans is wrong says woman who prefers to starve them

Theresa May's regime has roundly condemned the Assad Regime's actions in Syria by saying it was wrong to use Sarin Gas on orphaned children. "It was just wrong to use Sarin Gas to kill orphaned...

Trump marks Martin Luther King weekend with burning cross on White House Lawn

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US President elect, Donald Trump, will be hosting a tribute event for Martin Luther Day

Sir Richard Branson arrested for looting in British Virgin Islands

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Billionaire adventurer and entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson is currently in custody in the British Virgin Islands after being arrested for looting, according to reports.   Hundreds of British troops and police officers have been deployed...

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