Dateline this morning, and in the face of a slew of fresh sexual assault allegations, beleaguered Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump has found himself a new ally in the form of long-term friend Bill Cosby.
“Well, I think it’s sad, and frankly I don’t think he’s handling it very well.” Cosby told an assembled throng of reporters. “He is being accused of really terrible things and his response is to call Hillary Clinton a fat, unf****able bit*ch. I think he’s getting some really bad PR advice here” he continued. “and he should do it differently. He’s not doing a good job of it.” he added.
Trump first shot to fame with his appearance in The Cosby Show in the late 1980s, playing Sharleeza Huxtable, Cosby’s irrepressible and wayward daughter in the hugely popular US sitcom. The two have reportedly remained friends over the years, but this is the first time Cosby has come out to publicly defend the odious gropist and self-styled sex pest.
With November’s election drawing ever nearer, voters can expect a daily diet of shocking yet ultimately forgivable fresh allegations, most probably along the lines of numerous incidents of necrophilia involving Mother Theresa, double-dating with Ian Brady, having sexual intercourse with stray animals and dispatching baskets of adorable puppies with a solid gold, diamond encrusted hammer.