Donald Trump

Donald Trump calls for a ban on schools after latest US school shooting

So-called 'President' and full-time Twitter troll Donald Trump wants a 'total and complete shutdown' of schools in the US after the Tehama Elementary School shooting yesterday.Donald Trump, the leading contender for biggest dickhead on...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson launches ‘Free Robert Mugabe’ campaign

The campaign is headed up by Boris Johnson who is thought to believe that if it's successful he could be the leader of Zanu PF. Failing that, he could be Conservative Party leader.One aide,...
Garda

Emergency services called after Bob Geldof disappears up his own arse

Two fire engines along with police and ambulance crews were called to the centre of Dublin after reports came in that a man had vanished up his own arse.A number of people were treated...

Aung San Suu Kyi surrenders Freedom of Dublin refusing to share the honour with...

Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi has given up her Freedom of the city of Dublin in protest at sharing the distinction with Bono, it has emerged.She was awarded the status on an honorary...
Bob Geldof

Sanctimonious tax avoiding ex-pat hands back key to city he doesn’t live in for...

London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin.Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays very little tax whilst complaining about how countries treat their...

First shipment of thoughts and prayers arrive in Texas

It’s all better in Texas now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Sutherland following last night’s mass shooting.Our special correspondent in Nevada writes:“Yeah, we’re crating up the thoughts...
Trump Child

Department of Justice confirms that if indicted Trump will be tried as an adult

The Department of Justice has confirmed that if and when Donald Trump is indicted for colluding with Russia during the 2016 Presidential election he will have to stand trial as an adult.The U.S. Department...
Francis Underwood

Fictional President held to higher standard than actual President

Fictional President of the United States Francis Underwood has been obliged to step down this week following allegations of historical sexual harassment.Whilst his Presidency has been marred by a number of controversies, FPOTUS Underwood...
Who Shot JR

Trump to release fresh evidence that Obama shot JR

The so-called "President" of the United States has ordered the CIA release all of the files relating to the attempted assassination of Texan oil baron JR Ewing more than 37 years after the incident.The...
Woman who put cat in a wheelie bin

Woman who put cat in wheelie bin appointed goodwill ambassador to World Wildlife Fund

In a controversial move the World Wildlife Fund has appointed that old woman who was filmed putting a cat in a wheelie bin in 2010 as a “goodwill ambassador” to tackle animal welfare worldwide.World...
Trump Flag

All soldiers know what they are signing up for, that’s why I dodged the...

The West Wing has been forced to defend President Trump against malicious disinformation about his health and state of mind for months.Allegations about his lack of virility have been defended by scores of women...

A country full of religious crackpots shouldn’t have nuclear weapons, says country full of...

A country full of religious crackpots and nuclear weapons has condemned another country full of religious crackpots for pressing on with their nuclear programme.Hassan Rouhani, the President of Iran, has spoken to The Rochdale...
FBI

There was nothing to tip us off about that bloke who bought 33 guns...

The FBI have reiterated that there were absolutely no clues that a bloke who bought thirty three semi-automatic rifles in one year might have been planning something.“That’s not even one a week!” Special Agent...
Guns for sale

Mass shootings are an unsolvable problem says only country with a with mass shootings...

A country that has a really serious problem with deranged lunatics buying really big guns and shooting dozens of strangers has publicly said it has “no idea’ how to solve the problem.“We just have...
Hugh Hefner

Playboy Bunnies surprised to find Hugh Hefner stiffer than usual

Notorious Bachelor and soft core pornographer Hugh Hefner was pronounced dead this morning at his home, the Playboy Mansion, Los Angeles.Early reports indicate that the blonde bimbo aficionado had died of natural causes at...
Fission Chips

Kim Jong Un opens Pyonyang’s first fish and chip shop ‘Fission Chips’ to critical...

The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea.The chippy, named Fission Chips, after the rogue state’s illegal nuclear weapons programme...

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