The Roman Catholic Church is in crisis today after Ireland voted decisively to repeal one of the world’s most restrictive abortion bans.

The church is now facing an almost total collapse of the number of vulnerable children to bugger senseless in church owned fostering programmes within five years.

“The Church has a long and proud of history of opposing abortion for women who may have conceived through rape and incest. We’re not too fond of contraception either.”

“This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that historically those children ended up in the care of the church who sexually abused them or sold them to American families who wanted a white kid.”

“This is going to really hit revenues. Tithes are down and black market white kids was good business for a while.” Michael Ledwith, a spokesman for the Church told The Rochdale Herald.

“Intake at reformatories and industrial schools is going to be hit hardest.”

The Catholic Church is expected to release an announcement before the end of this millennium conceding that women aren’t livestock.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.