Following the news that Boris Johnson has been elected Prime Minister UK Customs officials have decided to replace all the ‘Nothing to Declare’ signs at UK airports and ports with signs that read ‘Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here’. 

“Seeing that the UK is now officially one of the Seven Circles of Hell we felt it was time to overhaul our messaging.” Dan Tay, CEO of UK Customs told The Rochdale Herald.

“The timing kind of felt right now that temperatures are topping 75C in many parts of London. There are rumours that a northern gran might have removed one of her cardigans it’s that hot.”

“Obviously we’re advising travels to leave all of their hopes and dreams in the arrivals area or face prosecution. If you’re not careful we’ll force you to stay in the UK indefinitely.”

image by @bluebeany

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.