VICTORY! I am a racist, not a druggie says Hopkins

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Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins is celebrating her racist and drug-free status tonight, it has been confirmed.

Hopkins, 67, made a complaint to the Independent Press Standards Organisation following coverage of her disastrous trip to South Africa earlier in the year. Reports in The Mirror claimed that the bilious gobshite had had her passport confiscated after she was detained for taking ketamine. But Hopkins brought her complaint on the basis that the real reason for the confiscation was for merely spreading racial hatred.

Chair of the IPSO Panel that upheld the complaint, Rowley Birkin QC, said, “She really was most insistent that she was just your common-or-garden racist, travelling to a foreign country to falsely mis-represent the plight of white farmers, in the hope of generating sufficient hysteria and media attention that she could sell the footage so that she didn’t have to sell her Exeter mansion she faces losing having lost a legal battle over slandering someone on Twitter, rather than a druggie.”

“These things seem to matter to those on the hard right. Racism: yes, but good old-fashioned clean living racism.”

Hopkins was contacted for comment but couldn’t be reached: a spokesperson could not confirm that she was so far up Donald Trump’s arse she could see Nigel Farage’s feet.