face palm

Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy

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The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in...
Trump Salute

Trump demands to see soldier’s long form death certificate

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Donald Trump has demanded that the widow of Sgt La David Johnson release his long form death certificate following a row about whether or...

Trump insists the audience for his resignation speech will be bigger than Sean Spicers

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Donald Trump has insisted that the audience for Sean Spicers resignation speech will be miniscule compared to his own. Trump tweeted that, "Spicer was a...

Trump presidency result of Putin prank phone call

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Russian President and superstar house elf, Vladimir Putin, has revealed that the whole Trump/Russia thing is a prank that went too far. "Trump come to...

Concern mounts that US teachers are stockpiling weapons of maths instruction

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Deliverable weapons of maths instruction in the hands of a school or tuition network, or the two working together constitutes as grave a threat...
Donald Genius Trump

The ‘J’ is for Genius, confirms Donald J Trump

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Washington - The actual real life President of the United States of America Donald J Trump has cleared up speculation over the weekend about...

Self-proclaimed ‘bestest dealmaker’ fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band

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Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.
Mar a Lago

Donald Trump moves Mar a Lago to Tampa Bay for insurance purposes

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Donald Trump has applied to have the address of his Mar-a-Lago changed from Palm Beach to Tampa Bay, ahead of the arrival of Hurricane...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Revealed! What ‘Brexit’ means.

After months of denying that 'Brexit' could be defined in terms of anything other than being 'Brexit', the Government has finally announced what, in...

New York Times Reported to the House Committee for Un-American Activities

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The New York Times, long considered to be the lap-dog mouthpiece of the Commie-loving East-coast foreigner, has finally (and thankfully) been reported to the...

Salisbury poisoning suspect revealed to be elderly arcade owner from Scooby Doo

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A man who is suspected of poisoning Sergei Skripal and Yulia Skripal has had his real identity revealed by a group calling itself Mystery...
Erdogan

Rank outsider sweeps to completely surprising victory in Turkish Presidential election

A rank-outsider has swept to victory in Turkey's presidential election defying the odds to secure a third five year term. Election authority chief said "imagine...

National security at stake after Donald Trump gets stuck in revolving door

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The removal from office of Anthony "You're fired!" Scaramucci and Reince "You're fired too!" Priebus have prompted many White House insiders to consider the...

Donald Trump hospitalised with self-inflicted gunshot wound

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Reports are coming in that Donald Trump has been hospitalised with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the foot.
Woman who put cat in a wheelie bin

Woman who put cat in wheelie bin appointed goodwill ambassador to World Wildlife Fund

In a controversial move the World Wildlife Fund has appointed that old woman who was filmed putting a cat in a wheelie bin in...

Malaysian PM offers Greg Wallace out for a scrap over “crispy” rendang remark

Chef John Torode and "diner" Greg Wallace, presenters of BBC's Masterchef, managed to piss the populations of two countries off this week by criticising...

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