White House Nativity

White House Christmas card to feature Donald Trump high-fiving the Ku Klux Klan’s Imperial...

The White House's official 2017 Christmas card will feature President Donald Trump high-fiving the Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, a spokesperson confirmed today. Bearing the message, "We're dreaming of a white Christmas," the...
Fission Chips

Kim Jong Un opens Pyonyang’s first fish and chip shop ‘Fission Chips’ to critical...

The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea. The chippy, named Fission Chips, after the rogue state’s illegal nuclear weapons programme...

May to wear codpiece and alpha male pig hormone for Trump meeting

In a bid to protect from pussy grabbing and give the impression of a large penis and aura of dominance, Theresa May will today be dressing to impress. Heads will certainly roll, turn I mean...
Nuclear explosion

“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons. 

Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.  With launch codes about to be given to President Fuckface Von Clownstick, many weapons...

Scotch and Revolver sales jump 30,000% during Trump’s inaugural speech

Scotch Whiskey and revolver salesman all over the world are in buoyant mood this afternoon after a huge windfall sales extravaganza during President Trump's inaugural address.
Corbyn

Corbyn finally condemns Chavez ‘He didn’t shoot enough rich people, happy now?’

In a statement from the Department of People's Truth, Jeremy Corbyn "has not bowed to pressure of the Western lapdog media but instead led the World in supporting Workers" and finally condemned Venezuelan President...

A country full of religious crackpots shouldn’t have nuclear weapons, says country full of...

A country full of religious crackpots and nuclear weapons has condemned another country full of religious crackpots for pressing on with their nuclear programme. Hassan Rouhani, the President of Iran, has spoken to The Rochdale...

Light spectroscopy confirms Trump wears a toupee and it’s 70% alpaca

Donald Trump's hair is partly fake, and the fake part is not even human hair, but alpaca, scientists working for NASA's Astronomical spectroscopy division announced Friday. The scientists, who normally analyse light emitted by distant...

The United States to allow Guns to be purchased from Vending Machines

United States, Washington DC - A new bill has been passed in the United States, to allow firearms to be sold from Vending Machines. The bill will take effect over the summer. This will...

Biff Tannen secures Republican Party presidential nomination

The world was horrified but not terribly surprised to discover this morning that professional gambler and self-styled American oligarch Biff Tannen secured the US Presidential nomination. Conspiracy theorists around the world have wondered for years...
gavel and block

Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney

As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called to the stand and indicted himself, for incitement. In the federal...
TRUMP POLE DANCERS

Donald Trump awarded prestigious Time Magazine Dickhead of the Year Award

Donald Trump has been awarded the Time Magazine prestigious Hitler of the Year Award and is said to be "honoured" by the accolade.
Bob Geldof

Sanctimonious tax avoiding ex-pat hands back key to city he doesn’t live in for...

London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin. Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays very little tax whilst complaining about how countries treat their...
Elephants

NRA claims that fewer elephants would be shot by hunters if more of them...

The National Rifle Association has today put out a statement claiming that fewer African elephants would fall victim to big game hunters if they were allowed to carry guns.  The statement was released in the...

Wright brothers blamed for rise in immigration

Criticism has been placed upon two American inventors for the dramatic rise in immigration, it has been confirmed. Brothers Orville and Wilbur Wright, who are credited with the creation of the first successful aeroplane, have...
Beynonce Knowles

We need buoyancy aids not Beyonce aid, say Houston flood victims

Residents of Houston were bemused by an offer from pop star Beyonce offering help for those affected by the recent flooding. “We asked for buoyancy aids so that we could keep ourselves and our pets...

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