Your 60 second news round-up
Here's The Rochdale Herald's round-up of today's important news headlines:
- UKIP leader's girlfriend is a nasty little racist
- Nicola Sturgeon backs a second Scottish...
Abu Hamza to be welcomed back to the UK with State Visit
Hate preacher Abu Hamza has been invited to a State Visit after Number 10 revealed that they are widening the scope of the unsavoury...
Argentina offers to invade Falklands Islands for £1B if that will help May?
A man claiming to represent Argentina has allegedly phoned the British prime minister and said for £1 billion they will pretend to invade the...
Despot of country full of gullible starving peasants about to declare war on North...
The bilge tanks of mainstream media are overflowing today with irrepressible joy and mental sewerage at the prospect of wannabe despot Donald Trump declaring...
France admits the French Language was created to avoid speaking to other Countries
It has been rumored for years. Now it is official, France finally stops the lies. Confesses they only created the French language to avoid...
David Cameron becomes Hero of the Russian Federation
The Kremlin announced today that David Cameron is to be recognised as a Hero of the Russian Federation, the highest honour that can be...
EU to force UK to use £ s d following Brexit…
Brussels has warned that Britain will no longer be allowed to use the decimal system following Brexit and will be forced to go back...
UK Customs replace “Nothing to declare” signs with “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter...
Following the news that Boris Johnson has been elected Prime Minister UK Customs officials have decided to replace all the 'Nothing to Declare' signs...
Trump rally cancels book burning as supporters have no books to burn
Plans for an official book burning at a Trump rally in Bumshart California had to be scrapped yesterday after it emerged Trump supporters in...
Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy
The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in...
Lego let go of Trump
It has been revealed this week that toy manufacturing giants Lego will not produce a figure of president elect Donald Trump.
Many have regarded this...
Trump claims fitness app data proves he has more troops than Kim Jong-Un
President Donald Trump told the world that "there's nobody better than me on the military" last night as he ushers in new era of...
Why does this keep happening, asks country selling guns without doing background checks
A country who sells weapons over the counter to anybody who wants one is stumped at how it can be home to so many...
Trump Press Secretary buys fireproof underpants
The secret of Press Secretary Sean Spicer's propensity for hyperbolic bullshitacity has been revealed.
He has reportedly been wearing a revolutionary new type of asbestos...
Wales celebrates after spectacular 2016 Darwin Award victory
The population of Wales has been awarded a collective 2016 Darwin Award for its staggering act of self immolation in last year's referendum on...
Audi driver becomes first in space after tailgating Tesla into orbit
A Rochdale man has become the first Rochdale resident to go into space.
Ted Skeat, 48 achieved the feat by tailgating a Tesla car on...
