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Modern Day Presidential latest euphemism for complete and utter numpty, say linguists

As Humpty Dumpty said, "When I use a word, it means whatever I want it to mean." Clearly in a world of self-reductible horseshit, where it is acceptable to proclaim "Brexit means Brexit" and...
Time Magazine

Trump joins Time Magazine “Person of the Year” club

In a move in keeping with the utter shit show that has been 2016, Time Magazine has named the orange baboon Donald Trump "Person of the Year". Other notable recipients of the award include Adolf...

Hilary Clinton’s emails confirm she would have already nuked North Korea

Further extracts reveal she had plans to construct “Wall Street on the Korean Peninsula” once the “dust and stuff has settled.”

May to wear codpiece and alpha male pig hormone for Trump meeting

In a bid to protect from pussy grabbing and give the impression of a large penis and aura of dominance, Theresa May will today be dressing to impress. Heads will certainly roll, turn I mean...

Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy wins European Thundercunt of the year award

The Spanish Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, was thrilled to learn last night that he has won the coveted European Thundercunt of the Year Award after ordering stormtroopers to beat old ladies and shopkeepers black...

Terrifying clown in next Stephen King film to be perma-tanned and have a combover

Stephen King took to twitter today to reveal a juicy nugget regarding his next movie project, ’Idiot’, a sequel to ‘It’, will feature a perma-tanned clown with a combover. The orange skinned clown has been...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump blames it on the sunshine, the moonlight and the good times

Donald Trump is blaming pretty much everything for his sudden lack of a sex-life, it has emerged. Sources close to the president have informed the Rochdale Herald that recently he and his wife Melania visited...
Macron

Macron roasts Le Swan

Emmanuel Macron last night served up a beautifully roasted swan at his victory dinner. The new French President was celebrating his victory with close supporters at a private event in Paris when he wowed...
Trump

People no longer surprised when Trump acts like a dick again

The repeated outbursts of hatemongering, sabre-rattling or just plain stupidity, emanating from the lips, press statements or usually the tweets, of Donald Trump, have stopped surprising people, it has been confirmed. In a recent survey,...

J K Rowling denies seven figure sum to write ‘President Trump and the White...

Other proposed titles in the series are, ‘Vladimir Putting and the Half Brained President’, ‘Donnie Trump and the Gob of Fire and Fury’, ‘President Trump and the Prisoner of Asshat’, ‘Donald Trump and the Magic Revolving Door of Power’ and ‘Donald in the Competition to be Crazier than North Korea’.
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from boarding ships. In the ongoing battle to protect Britain from hordes...
Donald Trump Jr

Fire at Trump Tower definitely not Donald Trump Jr burning Russia dossier, confirms Donald...

New York - There has been more fire and fury today as a blaze at the top of Trump Tower in New York left tone person dead. Questions have already been raised by commentators as...

Even Hitler didn’t treat his press secretary as badly as this says Sean Spicer

Sean Spicer has been explaining how badly he has been treated by Donald Trump. Speaking to an assembled press corps Mr Spicer said, "Even Hitler didn't treat his press secretary this badly."  Several reporters looked...

Sir Richard Branson arrested for looting in British Virgin Islands

Billionaire adventurer and entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson is currently in custody in the British Virgin Islands after being arrested for looting, according to reports.   Hundreds of British troops and police officers have been deployed...
Ivanka and Donald Trump

Ivanka says: I Could Be The Pretty President After G20 Power Play

Speculation is rife in Washington D.C. that Ivanka Trump is pondering throwing her hat in the ring for the 2020 Presidential election circus.    After taking President Daddy Trump's seat at the top table during...

Ireland elects first openly sober prime minister

Leo Varadkar made history yesterday by winning the leadership election of the Fine Gael Party to become the first openly sober Taoiseach (Prime Minister) in Irish history.

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