Donald Trump

Actor playing Donald Trump forgets stage directions

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Due to White House budget cuts, an experienced but cheap actor was selected for the part. Bit part "character actor" Rowle Player is best...

Theresa May offers Germany Sunderland

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Theresa May was left visibly irritated this morning when a generous offer to Germany was rejected out of hand. May’s sincere offer, to hand Sunderland over...
face palm

Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy

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The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in...

Hartman on Trump – POTUS’s US Marine Corp induction transcript revealed

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Following the sad and untimely death of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman of the US Marine Corps, The Rochdale Herald has obtained an exclusive transcript of...

First shipment of thoughts and prayers for mass shooting victims arrive in California

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It's all better in California now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Gilroy following today's mass shooting. "Yeah, we're...

Sex Workers to sue Daily Mail for comparing them to Melania Trump

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Millions of sex workers are suing right wing rag, The Daily Mail, after they referred to Melania Trump as a "former sex worker" in...
Julian Assange

Julian Assange unveils plans to have quiet weekend in front of the TV

Julian Assange has tonight been giving a speech outlining his plans for the weekend. Mr Assange who, was told today by a Swedish prosecutor that rape...

Emperor Trump appoints frog-faced racist as UK ambassador to US

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In a bold show of complete disregard for the sovereignty of British Parliament, his highness emperor Trump has appointed a well-known and unelected frog-faced...

DUP ask Merkel for one billion Euros to give her their support in Bundestag

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News broke this morning that the Northern Ireland political party, the DUP, has demanded one billion euros from Angela Merkel in order to support...
Police

US Police Departments to consider offering black suspects running start before shooting them

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Following several nights of violence and riots across the United States in response to the death of George Floyd US police departments are said...
Scaramucci

Rock Scaramucci crawled out from under refuses to take him back

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Having been unceremoniously sacked as President Trump's director of communications after only ten days and divorced by his wife, Anthony Scaramucci has now suffered...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump blames it on the sunshine, the moonlight and the good times

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Donald Trump is blaming pretty much everything for his sudden lack of a sex-life, it has emerged. Sources close to the president have informed the...
Demolition

New EU regulations will require all new houses to have Toulouse

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Flush from the success of Brexit, the EU Commission has been swift to demonstrate what the future looks like without a good hard Brit. ...
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

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The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President...
Farage

So Mr Farage, what first attracted you to the white supremacist sympathising billionaire Donald...

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That was the question that Nigel Farage was asked by TV interviewer Mrs Morton and Mr Farage MP (just kidding) obliged like never before. Mr...

Trump to celebrate Father’s Day by bathing in the tears of abducted child immigrants

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US President Donald Trump is to celebrate his second Father's Day in the White House by having a bath filled with the tears of...

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