Space Rocket

Audi driver becomes first in space after tailgating Tesla into orbit

0
A Rochdale man has become the first Rochdale resident to go into space. Ted Skeat, 48 achieved the feat by tailgating a Tesla car on...

Theresa May summons devil to discuss Syria

The prime minister has summoned the devil to discuss the government's response to a suspected chemical weapons attack in Syria. They are expected to discuss...
Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

0
Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.

Scandal as Trump attempts to circumvent physical laws

0
In his bid to become master of the universe, Donald Trump has postulated a new set of axioms about the physical universe as we...
Gun held in front of American flag

Fatal logic feedback loop kills five more Americans

2
America has once again been proved right as yet another mass shooting takes place in shopping mall and nobody armed inside could shoot the...

Putin starts worrying that he might be a dick

Russian President Vladimir Putin has reportedly started worrying that he might actually be a bit of a dick. Sources close to Putin have revealed that...

Scotch and Revolver sales jump 30,000% during Trump’s inaugural speech

11
Scotch Whiskey and revolver salesman all over the world are in buoyant mood this afternoon after a huge windfall sales extravaganza during President Trump's inaugural address.

Wright brothers blamed for rise in immigration

6
Criticism has been placed upon two American inventors for the dramatic rise in immigration, it has been confirmed. Brothers Orville and Wilbur Wright, who are...

Quackpot fundamentalist and friend of dictators finally canonised by paedophiles

1
Mother Theresa of Calcutta became Saint Theresa yesterday in a small ceremony in the Vatican. Saint Theresa, who passed through Rochdale on her way...
Donald Trump

Germany to face sanctions for failing to help US during D-Day landings

0
Donald Trump has today announced a huge package of far reaching sanctions against Germany after discovering that Germany failed to help the US during...

Short range nuclear missiles made available to American public in bid to reduce gun...

0
Following a series of atrocities in the United States over the weekend in which more than twenty five members of the public were shot...
Donald Genius Trump

Trump awards Trump Imaginary Medal of Honor for imaginary heroics

0
President of the actually terrific US, Donald Trump, is to reward his own bravery with a special medal, the Purple Cheeseburger, after his courage...
Bono

Pope meets Bono to demand he removes U2’s albums from his iTunes account

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Pope Francis is to have a private audience with Bono to demand to know how to delete U2's latest album from his iTunes library. According...
Police

US Police Departments to consider offering black suspects running start before shooting them

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Following several nights of violence and riots across the United States in response to the death of George Floyd US police departments are said...

Trump Train derailed by Reddit

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Would-be U.S.President and serial bigot, Donald Trump awoke this morning to find his dreams of becoming the most powerful man on the planet in...

Terrifying clown in next Stephen King film to be perma-tanned and have a combover

10
Stephen King took to twitter today to reveal a juicy nugget regarding his next movie project, ’Idiot’, a sequel to ‘It’, will feature a...

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