The only way to stop a bad guy with a nuclear weapon is a good guy with a nuclear weapon. That’s according to the Iranian Government anyway.

In a speech a spokesman said, “Iraq, Syria, Libya and North Korea have taught us one thing. That is that being a good guy with nuclear weapons is the only sure way of stopping a bad guy with nuclear weapons.”

North Korean Government spokesman, Ban-ki-Han-ki said, “It’s true. A few months ago a bad guy with nuclear weapons was threatening us. Now we’ve demonstrated our ability to wage war against the seas he’s offered to come over and use our excellent golf facilities. He also intends to inspect our Glorious Leaders dry scalp.”

Saudi Arabia also seemed to agree. Prince Saud al-Saud-Saud said, “We agree. This is why we will develop nuclear weapons should Iran develop nuclear weapons.”

However, French Defence Minister, Pierre La Bonk said, “This isn’t entirely true. France has nuclear weapons and Trump still made Emmanuel Macron put on a sailor suit and dance the Macarena for him.”

Liam Fox, commenting for the British Government said, “Obviously an arms race in the Middle East would be undesirable. However, if it happens it could mean a great opportunity for a post Brexit trade deal. It would be great to get one over on the French who have a similar history as us of selling nuclear technology to despots.”

Dr Fox refused to comment on reports that Theresa May has had a sailor suit delivered to Downing Street.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.