The DUP were apparently acknowledging today the new opportunities opening up to them, with some pleasure.

DUP spokesmuppet Seamus Allways  said “This is orr moment in history, so it is. We now have the parrr to remove the Cat’lic scourge from our land. May won’t dare stand in orr way. She’s just a big ballox, shouting ‘Drink! Strong! Stable! Feck!’ like Father Jack in his big old chair.

“The Pope is the Anti-Christ, we need to get the ethnics out and get orr contry back. As it says in the Good Book, ‘Thou mayest go in and possess the good land which the Lord sware unto thy fathers. To cast out all thine enemies from before thee, as the Lord hath spoken.’ That’s grand, that is.”

Our reporter queried, “You’re a Christian, Seamus. What would JC say?”

“I don’t see what Jeremy Corbyn has to do with anything,” Mr Allways said blankly.

Although it is not true that the negotiating team turned up to meet Theresa May accompanied by a dozen heavily armed paramilitaries, the sound of righteous rifles being polished can be heard across the Irish Sea in Blackpool.  Supplying arms to the UVF looks like being another nice little earner for May and her cronies.

Meanwhile the Bishop of Rochdale, Neil Down, has criticised the fundamentalist principles behind the DUP, sometimes described as ‘ethnic nationalism’.

“Jesus preached love and forgiveness, and a true Christian follows Jesus,” he said. “Love thy neighbour. Thou shalt not kill. The message of Christianity is quite clear. These people represent Christianity no more than ISIS represents Islam.”

It seems that, fundamentally, the fundamentalists have forgotten the fundamentals while disappearing up their own fundaments.

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