Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are reported to be heading to the White House in order to plead for Melania Trump’s freedom.

A press officer for Kim said, “We’re not sure where Melania is. According to witnesses a black car with tinted windows pulled up. Some sinister looking men who looked like secret agents got out and Melania got in the car. Then they all drove off. There’s rumour’s that she’s being held against her will somewhere. Since the President has the power to release people from captivity Kim is hoping that appealing to the President will ensure Melania’s freedom. Failing that they’re hoping for a Seal Team to free Melania from wherever it is she’s being held.”

The appeal comes just a couple of weeks after Kardashian successfully lobbied Trump to release Alice Marie Johnson from prison. On White House insider told us, “It may be harder this time. The last time Trump thought that Kim was asking him to release Amy Johnson. It wasn’t until 2 days later he realised Amy Johnson has been dead nearly 70 years.”

It’s not clear where Melania is which has led some to speculate that she may be mentally scarred when she is eventually freed. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, “Who knows what sort of sick depravity has been visited on Melania whilst she has been in captivity. It’s probably going to take a lot of counselling to help put her back together again.”

It’s thought that the negotiations for Melania’s freedom will be very complex and could take several weeks.

 

SHARE
Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.