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Edward Cocozza

I sit in my underpants and make things up.

Thousands gather in London to watch fireworks through their phones

Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people...
Christmas Morning

Man thanked for countless gifts he had no knowledge of purchasing

A man has been repeatedly thanked and kissed by family and friends for Christmas presents he was unaware of purchasing, despite paying for every...
Big Ben

Bullshit to power Westminster by 2025 say Greens

Pure bullshit from the House of Commons is to be converted into useful energy to power the City of Westminster, the Green Party has...

It was straightforward shooting not sex, says Prince Andrew

Young girls were released into the Sandringham Estate and shot at as part of Ghislaine Maxwell's birthday celebrations, Prince Andrew has revealed. The Duke of...

Unite against hate, racism, bigotry and white supremacy, says hateful, racist, bigoted, white supremacist

Hateful, racist, bigoted white supremacist Donald Trump has called on the people of the United States to unite against hate, racism, bigotry and white...

Victory for disability campaigners as Broccoli family confirm next Bond will be paraplegic

The next James Bond will be played by a paraplegic actor, Eon Productions has announced. Auditions for Daniel Craig’s replacement will begin in the summer...

President Trump to ‘grab May by the pussy’

Donald Trump may touch the UK prime minister's vagina in their first private meeting, the president has tweeted. The straw-haired misogynist wrote, "Excited to meet...

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush. The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on...

Purrverted Cliff Richard raped my cat

A woman has come forward claiming Sir Cliff Richard raped her cat while staying at her family home in Heywood. The fresh accusations will come...
Fruit Salad

Fruit salad cancer risk

Fruit salads may cause cancer, top Latvian scientists have found. The study, published in Eat My Carcinoma, has sent shockwaves through fruit communities and...

E-Cigarettes create ‘Super Organ’

E-Cigarettes cause your internal organs to fuse together creating one large 'super organ' that later bursts, scientists have found. The two-year study, which followed heavy users of the...
Jesus Christ

Jesus ‘probably had eczema’

Jesus of Nazareth may have had eczema, dermatologists have found. New evidence that The Lord suffered from the common skin complaint emerged following fresh analysis...

The Shard ‘nearly finished’

The Shard in London is nearing completion, according to developers. Once finished, it will stand at 310m and will be the tallest building in the...
Eiffel Tower

Vodafone Win Bid to Buy Eiffel Tower

Vodafone has won a bid to convert the iconic Eiffel Tower into a transmission mast, it has emerged. The telecommunications giant secured the deal for...

Vegetables ‘have feelings too’ top scientists discover

Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown. Researchers were observing the effect...

Riots as Car Boot Sales End

Riots have broken out across England as towns and villages end car boot sales for the winter. Police have reported disturbances across the country as...

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