A man has been repeatedly thanked and kissed by family and friends for Christmas presents he was unaware of purchasing, despite paying for every single one of them in full.

The torrent of gratitude began early Christmas morning with his three children ripping into gifts from ‘Mum and Dad’, some quite expensive-looking. Worryingly, the ‘thank yous’ continued long into the evening as more friends and relatives arrived.

“I have been praised for my thoughtfulness, generosity and care – although some seemed bemused that I knew their every interest, desire and wish,” said the poor sod of a man. “It was awkward at first, as I have no idea how old my loved ones are – or what they like, want or even think, but I entered into the spirit of it with the help of some stern looks from my wife and even began responding with ‘My pleasures’ and ‘Yes I thought you’d like thats’.

“I was a little concerned by the mounting costs when my wife bear hugged me for the diamond necklace I’d unknowingly bought, but her pleasure at the effort I’d gone to in trawling the shops for the ‘best Christmas present ever’ eclipsed the dark shadow of crippling debt and angst that would blight the forthcoming year. She also reassured me it was an investment, and for both of us.

“I’m just praying I haven’t bought anything else for Boxing Day.”