A search and rescue operation has recovered 50 migrants off the Kent coast, the Home Office has said.

As spokesman said the Border Force had dealt with four small boat incidents between 4am and 7am this morning with all 50 migrants being forced to return to the Kent coast this morning.

It’s thought the migrants, fleeing economic uncertainty and a corrupt political regime were woefully ill equipped to deal with the realities of being all at sea in a rudderless vessel, despite having lived under a series of Conservative governments since 2010.

One witness told The Rochdale Herald that the migrants were being brought ashore at Dover’s Western Docks.

“They really were in a sorry state. They were all huddled together for warmth under a copy of yesterday’s Guardian newspaper. They’d almost completely run out of olives and artisanal vegan sourdough.”

“I reckon another couple of hours and they’d have completely run out of prosecco.”

Tens of thousands of islanders are expected to flee to Calais towards the end of September despite the tumbling pound.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.