Home Office to open Job Centre and Benefits Office in Migrant Calais Jungle

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There was outrage in the editorial bunker at The Rochdale Herald after one of the editorial team accidentally read an article in the Telegraph. "It...

I don’t care what UK Ambassador thinks of me, says dickhead who won’t shut...

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A giant man dayglo baby who won't stop whining about somebody who said some mean things about him has declared on Twitter that he...
Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Great Russian Bake-off after other contestants fall ill

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Vladimir Putin has won the Russian version of Celebrity Great British Bake-off after all the other contestants sadly died in tragic but mysterious circumstances. Mr...
Angela Merkel

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to piss off in person

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Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, is due to meet with Theresa May later today to spit in her face and tell her to piss...

Trump says he didn’t sexually assault 3.52 billion other women

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Bewigged bouffant buffoon, Donald J. Trump, an actual potential president, made the claim at his latest rally. The tiny handed eater of souls came under...

NASA announce Kellyanne Conway is not of this world

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NASA has announced it will hold a press conference later this week to reveal new discoveries "of significant importance, "beyond our solar system". The agency...

Donald Trump tweets that he was going to be asked to marry Harry but...

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Donald Trump has sensationally tweeted that Prince Harry was going to ask him to marry him. POTUS explained on social media yesterday that he...
Time Magazine

Trump towers above the little people for TIME magazine

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President-elect of the USA Donald J Trump has been named “Person Of The Year” by TIME magazine which referred to its own nation as...
Donald Trump has a gold leaf living room yet tells the government he doesn't pay tax because you would waste it

Man with solid gold living room tells government “I don’t pay tax because you...

1
A man who owns a solid gold living room reportedly told one hundred million of his closest friends that he doesn't pay Tax in...
Trump

Donald Trump is a hoax, says Global Warming

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Global Warming, the phenomenon by which mankind is fucking up the environment, has confirmed on Twitter today that Donald Trump is in fact a...
Catalonia

Spain apologises to Catalonia saying I’m sorry you made me hit you

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THE SPANISH GOVERNMENT'S representative in Catalonia has, sort of, apologised to those injured by the Iberian Stasi during Sunday's independence referendum. Enric Millo, playing the...

Pathetic spoilt lying child learns lying works both ways

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A nursery class somewhere in the US was reportedly in turmoil yesterday.  The usual relative calm was shattered by a screaming blubber-baby having a foot...
Putin White Denim

Putin to sing ‘This land is my land’ at Eurovision tonight

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Russia today announced suprise plans to enter the Eurovision song contest tonight. The Russian entry is to be sung by Vladimir Putin and is entitled "This land...

Kennedy files reveal he is definitely dead

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The publication of nearly 3,000 previously classified files relating to the assassination of John F Kennedy in 1963 reveals that the former US President...

Oh for F**k’s sake – say world leaders following Trump nomination

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Leaders around the world let out a simultaneous sigh of despair last night as the Republican Party confirmed Donald Trump's presidential nomination. In yet another...
Trump Air Force one

Donald Trump arrives in Germany and says ‘Ich bin ein Binliner’ Berlin agrees

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President Donald Trump landed in Germany Sunday morning to kick off the first leg of his 12-day trip to Europe. Trump held a surprise press...

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