UFO

Aliens land on earth, demand under no circumstances to be taken to our leaders

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It has been confirmed that aliens have landed on earth over the festive period. Their large red craft, powered by nine outlying vaguely reindeer-shaped...

UK border agency given right to conduct posthumous deportations

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The UK border agency has been given the green light to start deporting the interred remains of people not born in the UK, a...
@bluebeany

UK Customs replace “Nothing to declare” signs with “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter...

Following the news that Boris Johnson has been elected Prime Minister UK Customs officials have decided to replace all the 'Nothing to Declare' signs...

Irishman confused by difference between abortions and prosecuting women

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An Irish fella is presently proving himself more full of gas than a tinker's hound by spouting no end of shite on the twitters....
Gay Men

Gays seen boarding ark two by two in Texas saying ‘our work here is...

6
An ark has been spotted in Texas picking up a group of homosexuals who caused all the flooding there. The findings have come as a...
Ceuta

Ceuta is nothing like Gibraltar, King Felipe of Spain tells UK without hint of...

8
The Spanish King called for a deal on the status of Gibraltar yesterday. King Felipe VI clarified in no uncertain terms that: “The status of...
trump salute

Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release

2
A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for...
Bono

Pope meets Bono to demand he removes U2’s albums from his iTunes account

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Pope Francis is to have a private audience with Bono to demand to know how to delete U2's latest album from his iTunes library. According...

Donald Trump hires Hugo Boss to design new ‘Cabinet Uniform’

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The controversial decision to hire Hugo Boss was openly discussed by The President-elect, Donald J. Trump, on Good Morning America yesterday during a catwalk...
Donald Trump

Trump says he believes Melania’s explanation that she didn’t only marry him for his...

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Donald Trump has said that he believes that Melania Trump married him for his rugged good looks, sublime conversation and attentive tenderness as a...

Unite against hate, racism, bigotry and white supremacy, says hateful, racist, bigoted, white supremacist

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Hateful, racist, bigoted white supremacist Donald Trump has called on the people of the United States to unite against hate, racism, bigotry and white...

China celebrates start of the year of the rat with a plague

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China is marking the start of the year of the rat with a global plague outbreak.  As spokesman told us, "We wanted a way of...
Trump Flag

All soldiers know what they are signing up for, that’s why I dodged the...

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The West Wing has been forced to defend President Trump against malicious disinformation about his health and state of mind for months. Allegations about his...

Tim Nice But Dim appointed UK Ambassador to the EU

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In a surprise move Theresa May has appointed Tim Nice But Dim UK Amabassador to the EU.
Trump Golf Twitter

FBI reveals to Trump evidence of a golf course at Chernobyl

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The FBI have allegedly revealed the location of a secret golf course in Chernobyl to Donald Trump today. One FBI spokesman said, "POTATUS was on...
Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Great Russian Bake-off after other contestants fall ill

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Vladimir Putin has won the Russian version of Celebrity Great British Bake-off after all the other contestants sadly died in tragic but mysterious circumstances. Mr...

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