IKEA founder funeral delayed because man won’t look at instructions

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The funeral of IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad has been delayed by several days as staff at the funeral parlour attempt to assemble his coffin....

Spanish bullfighters win inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup

Spain’s bullfighters have won the inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup in Brazil, narrowly beating the foxhunters of England in the final. The competition, in...
UFO

Aliens land on earth, demand under no circumstances to be taken to our leaders

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It has been confirmed that aliens have landed on earth over the festive period. Their large red craft, powered by nine outlying vaguely reindeer-shaped...

Donald Trump is a twat, confirm G6 leaders

Leader's of the G6 have agreed on the text of a communique officially declaring that Donald Trump is a twat. One spokesperson said, "It's been...
School class

AMERICANS! How to maximize media outrage over your kid’s devastating school-murder. – Rochdale Herald...

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In the not too distant past, school shootings were the stuff of tabloid dreams, but in a post Sandy Hook world, the circumstances of...
Sarah Huckabee

Trump to sue publisher of Fire and Fury when Sarah Huckabee finishes reading it...

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Washington DC - Donald Trump has angrily announced that he intends to sue the publisher of The White House tell all book, Fire and...
Trial by Combat

Theresa May demands Trial by Combat to avoid EU trade negotiations

Theresa May has taken the unusual decision to demand a trial by combat rather than face the EU over the table at trade negotiations.  She...
Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins killed and eaten by starving migrants

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Mail Online columnist Katie Hopkins' plan to drown migrants attempting to cross the Mediterranean to prevent them coming to the UK has been put...
Trump Golf Twitter

Crack pot dictator arrives in Singapore to meet Kim Jong Un

Singapore: Crack-pot dictator and wannabe dictator Donald Trump has arrived in Singapore to meet crack-pot dictator Kim Jong Un. It's hoped that the pair may...
Donald Trump & Jermey Kyle

Donald Trump to appear on Jeremy Kyle Show

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Jeremy Kyle was said to be jubilant this morning after securing an exclusive appearance by Donald Trump. The show which is titled "Five children by...
Donald Trump

Trump tells CNN all future press conferences will be held in Saudi Embassy

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POTATUS has announced that he will begin to give CNN press conferences in Saudi Embassies from now on. The announcement comes as his administration complained...
Donald Trump

Germany to face sanctions for failing to help US during D-Day landings

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Donald Trump has today announced a huge package of far reaching sanctions against Germany after discovering that Germany failed to help the US during...

Aung San Suu Kyi surrenders Freedom of Dublin refusing to share the honour with...

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Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi has given up her Freedom of the city of Dublin in protest at sharing the distinction with Bono,...

Civilised countries don’t gas civilians, they shoot them with AR-15s bought over counter at...

The US has told a UN Security Council meeting that the recent chemical attack on Syria is completely unacceptable.  Responding to reports of an incident...

I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

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Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.

Fat People Rejoice as America Turns Into a Parody of Itself

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Scenes of wild jubilation, gunfire and a surfeit of 'Go Large Burgers with Extra Fries' greeted the overnight transformation of the United States of...

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