In an attempt to win back votes from the orange-painted tweeting shitangutan, the Democrats have turned to Hurricane Harvey to stand as their candidate for 2020.
Harvey, which is expected to tear across Texas causing catastrophic flooding, death and destruction, is widely considered the least dangerous contender for the presidency in a 2020 Democrat/Trump-off.
“This will be a first, we’re more used to presidents getting blow jobs, than being them!” said former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. “Many voters could find a hurricane a little hard to swallow,” she cautioned.
Spokesman, Bobby Nephson explained: “with the election of Trump, we realised that the American voter wants brash, thoughtless destructive power that ignorantly wades into any situation with a sense that it can just destroy everything in order to fix it.”
“In Harvey, we have that, but as he doesn’t have hands, he won’t be able to press any red buttons and start a nuclear war. We hope voters will see this as a major improvement on the dangerous demagogic orange.
“Harvey’s also not an egomaniacal narcissistic draft dodging compulsive liar, doesn’t use twitter, and doesn’t speak at all, meaning we can tweet for him.
“In order to win Trumpelstiltskin votes, we have designed Harveytron, a computer programmed to spew random made up words into string after string of brain meltingly stupid tweets. To most Americans, this should provide them with that comforting sense they require that their president is complete f***ing idiot.