President-elect Donald Trump revealed today that although he had expressed a preference for Nigel Farage as UK ambassador to the USA, this was a case of his “head ruling his penis”. 

“Although Nigel would be a great choice for the role, my pecker tells me the only person for the job is Lisa Snowden.” said Trump. “I mean, look at her. She’s smoking hot. And as President, obviously I’d be able to grab her by the pussy, which isn’t an option with Nigel. It’s a no-brainer, like most of my voters.” 

 Lisa Snowden was unavailable for comment as she had an enormous cockroach in her mouth as part of her current role as joint ITV ambassador to Australia.