North Korea has won the World Cup despite not qualifying for the tournament. At least that’s what the north Korean media has said today.
North Korean journalist, Ban-Kim Han-Kim said, “We bring you news of great celebration. The North Korean football team has today won the World Cup after defeating the capitalist, imperialist dogs of the USA, 45-1.”
Their journey to the final saw them beat Peru, Russia and England in the group stages with knock out wins against Japan, Israel and South Korea.
The report said that the North Korean team had gone down 0-1 early but later prevailed when Kim Jong Un came on as a substitute. Kim went on to score 45 goals in a display reminiscent of his 2014 World Cup final winning display when he scored 35 goals.
North Korean media informed citizens, “The 45 goals scored marked Kim’s departure from international football. Fifa have rule that he is just too good to go on competing and it’s unfair on all the other teams. To date he has scored 7200000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 World Cup goals in 7 World Cup tournaments. A total that is unlikely to be beaten. The Golden Boot has now been renamed the Golden Kim in his honour.”
Following the victory Kim Jong Un was asked how he was going to celebrate. He told North Korean TV, “I’m going to creosote some peasants.”
Kim also revealed that he prepared for the game by signing some death warrants and watching a defectors family being ripped apart by dogs.
It was also revealed that North Korea has now been banned from World Cups to give other teams a chance of winning.
The first full round of World Cup games are tomorrow.