Boris Johnson’s words on Saudi Arabia and other Middle East powers were misreported, according to a clearly desperate Defence Secretary Sir Mr Michael of Fallon.

“He was definitely misreported,” Mr Sir Fallon said of the Foreign Secretary, “I mean quoting him verbatim? That’s just media trickery!”

What Mr Johnson meant when he said that countries like Saudi Arabia often fight proxy wars, Sir Mr Fallon explained, was that Saudi Arabia are fine upstanding defenders of freedom, tolerance, women’s rights, LGBTQA acceptance and peaceful democracy.

“These media types are just using facts to make people think that Tories are the type of people that sell weapons to nasty regimes who treat their own people like shit and bomb the absolute fuck out of anyone in their region who disagrees with them just because they have oil and money! It’s typical of the Liberal media and completely untrueish.”

Mr Johnson will meet fresh Prince Mohamed Binned Salmon, the Saudi “defence” minister for a lengthy grovelling session in the next few days.