Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform Iain Duncan Smith’s Knighting ceremony.

A Palace spokesman said, “The Queen is gradually drawing back on royal duties so she won’t be able to perform the ceremony. Prince Charles is unavailable and Prince William hasn’t yet passed his sword holding proficiency test. As such, the Royal Family cast around for somebody suitable to perform the ceremony. That’s when they decided on King Joffrey.”

A Government spokesman said, “This is great news. Initially we weren’t sure if the person they chose would be suitable. We’re such fans of King Joffrey in the Tory Party that we had considered him for head of ATOS.”

A spokesman for King Joffrey said, “Joffrey is very much a fan of inbreeding so the British Royal Family bestowing this honour on him is really pleasing. He looks forward to ruling over you.”

The Palace refused to comment on where in the pecking order this leaves Prince Andrew. 

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.