Theresa May has urged MP’s to get behind her awful Brexit plan or risk not being able to have Brexit.

With many people warning that it’s a really stupid thing Mrs May said, “That’s why you need to get behind this truly terrible deal I’ve negotiated. This isn’t even the worst thing I’m capable of. I could sell the NHS to Burger King.”

She went on, “Think about it. I’ve got the nuclear codes. I could nuke a small deserted part of Russia and start World War 3. I could recommend that we put the Syrian Government in charge of the UK nuclear power industry. I’ve got contacts in MI6. I could nominate Jeremy Hunt or Michael Gove as my successor. Don’t think this is the worst I can do.”

Mrs May ended by saying, “It’s like that game, What would you rather? Would you rather masturbate in front of your parents or shag a corpse?”

Mrs May does seem to have achieved something though. With 24 hours before MP’s vote she has managed to unite leave and remain camps in loathing of her plan.

One pro-remain campaigner said, “This plan is so bad I found myself in a Wetherspoons the other night singing Rule Britannia with a bunch of gammons.”

“I hate the stupid snowflakes but I hate this deal even more. We didn’t fight the Second World War to be dictated to by Germany.” Said 41 year old Cliff Edge who definitely didn’t fight in the Second World War.

It’s alleged that should Mrs May lose the vote tomorrow she will ensure that Mrs. Brown’s Boys will replace all TV programmes and all UK citizens will be made to listen to Coldplay for 23 hours a day.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.