Food supremo Greggs announced via a Rochdale Herald exclusive today that they have chosen Paris for their post Brexit trading headquarters and will soon change their name to De Gréoire.

Long established as a culinary giant across the expanse of all thirty three nations of the European Union, Greggs are as anxious as the financial, legal, insurance, aerospace, aviation, pharmaceutical, hotelier, creative industries, glazier and high street fried chicken industries to secure a European hub of operations in order to continue to trade freely within the world’s largest single market.

We spoke to Guy Ritchie, head of growth strategy for the pastie kings, to hear what he personally felt of the change.

“We can really shake up the French patisserie scene once we have a secure trading headquarters close to the Louvre. Our market share has been growing in Paris steadily since the referendum, as worried Anglophiles do everything they can to encourage traditional British food manufacturers to allow unfettered access to our world famous cuisine after March 2019.”

It’s believed a recent French delegation specifically targeting English pastry makers, alongside sparkling winemakers and seaside resort designers, clinched the move to France after taking Mr Ritchie on an all expenses paid tour of Rochdale.

“They got pretty heavy. I don’t mind admitting it. By the sixth pint at The Baum I would have signed anything they placed in front of me.”

The sausage roll experts are keen to reassure English customers that store closures in England post Brexit will mostly be focused on areas that voted most heavily for leave.

“They won’t be able to afford our chicken and baked bean kebab bakes anyway. And we’ll be charging in Euros once we make the shift, so I can’t see anyone who believes a word the lie infested Leave politicians spout being able to psychologically handle an exchange rate of two pounds to one Euro. Best off out of it mate.”

Asked for a response a representative of the Department for International Trade offered the following reassurance to anxious British diners.

“They’ll still be able to get a steak bake once we crash out and begin exporting and importing cupcakes and other baked goods on WTO rules. I don’t see what all the fuss is about? I expect De Gréoire to seize the opportunities presented by Brexit and open new outlets all over the UK.”