Theresa May escaped from Brussels late last night, as a small flotilla of fishing boats each carried a tiny morsel of her shattered credibility from the Belgian coast before depositing it in a heap on Tilbury Docks.

As the EC leaders finally decided that there was as much chance of getting a cogent plan out of May as there was of getting a delicious pot of moules in Gravesend Wetherspoons, they had to provide one for her.

“By taking back control of are group of cuntries we are telling Britain ‘Leave means Leave’ if that’s what you actually want” said Michel Barnier.

“As our German colleagues put it to the Pride Minister ‘ein Piss machen oder auf der Pot getten’.”

It is thought this is merely the first stage of the evacuation, with May soon to be evacuated from 10 Downing Street to a serpent ridden wilderness where she can see out her days rocking gently backwards and forwards while repeatedly muttering ‘Too many snakes’