Idris Elba

Idris Elba to play Jeremy Corbyn in upcoming Cold War spy thriller

Idris Elba is to be cast as Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn in a new spy thriller set during the height of The Cold War. The favourite of many to replace Daniel Craig as the next...

Thousands dead in Daily Mail Olympics tragedy

Thousands of Daily Mail readers are dead today after their heads exploded whilst reading the rag's coverage of the Olympics. Mild confusion over the juxtaposition between the length of Helen Skelton's skirt and the Egyptian...

Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction

The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction. The judges praised the extraordinary imagination and scope of utopian vision...

Daily Mail Editor to pay Melania Trump $150m with no prospect of Happy Ending

The Editor of The Daily Mail was said to be gutted at the prospect of having to pay Melania Trump millions of dollars for insinuating she had worked as a call girl in the...
Ancient text

Daily Mail claim Koran found propping up wobbly table leg in Thomas Mair’s kitchen

In a shocking turn of events, the Daily Mail have claimed police forensics have revealed to them that during the investigation into Thomas Mair they recovered a mysterious foreign book at the house of...

Rochdale Herald issues cease and desist warning against The Southend News Network

The editorial department at The Rochdale Herald was in uproar this afternoon after one of the biggest names in satirical local news blatantly ripped off their ripped off meme of Jeremy Corbyn on an...

Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover

The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world record breaking Team Pursuit team on the cover of the...
Teletubbies

Christian Groups outraged as Multi-faith revamp of Teletubbies features NO Christian Character

Rochdale's creative industry seemingly received a huge boost last week as local TV production firm, Hot Pot Productions, was awarded a £6 million BBC contract to produce one hundred episodes of the revamped children's...
The Daily Mail

Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners

Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline into casual racism. "I first noticed the symptoms in my dad...
Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig to become Cara Camel in Halal makeover

Exciting new changes are afoot in the world of Cartoons today, with a children's favourite set for a spectacular modern makeover. Creators of the famous children's cartoon Peppa Pig confirmed the eponymous star will be...
Daily Mail Readers

Are we the baddies ask Daily Mail readers

A Rochdale couple have been telling the Herald how they fear they may now be the baddies. Martin and Drusilla Williams regularly buy the Daily Mail and told the Herald, "In our world there is...

Daily Mail editor on suicide watch as rumours of Mo Farah knighthood circulate

There are genuine fears for the editor of The Daily Mail after a Somali born Muslim Immigrant ran to a double double victory at the Rio Olympics securing the title of Britain's greatest ever...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

Newspaper sellers to take precautions.

Newsagents and shops where papers are sold all over the UK are being urged by the Health and Safety Executive to take extra precautions when stocking tomorrow's Daily Mail and Daily Express.  With today's ruling...

Brian Cox apologises for insisting Things Can Only Get Better

Astrologer to the stars Professor Brian Cox has finally come clean about his greatest fib told way back in 1993.

Daily Mail Exposed as a False Newspaper

Jonathan Harmswoth, 4th Viscount of Rothermere, controlling shareholder and current chairman of the Daily Mail has finally come clean and admitted that the newspaper is simply an elaborate hoax that went too far. It has...

Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria

Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.

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