Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction

The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction. The judges praised the extraordinary imagination and scope of utopian vision...
The Daily Mail

Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners

Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline into casual racism. "I first noticed the symptoms in my dad...

Daily Mail editor on suicide watch as rumours of Mo Farah knighthood circulate

There are genuine fears for the editor of The Daily Mail after a Somali born Muslim Immigrant ran to a double double victory at the Rio Olympics securing the title of Britain's greatest ever...

Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria

Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.

Daily Mail readers die from apoplexy after Muslim Immigrant wins Gold

Lord Rothermere is expected to file for bankruptcy on Monday after the last of his Daily Mail readers died of apoplexy following the 10,000m at the World Athletics Championships last night. Ambulances services, already stretched...

Further scandal as so called satirical page Southend News Network owners aren’t even Southern!

In what is turning out to be a much dragged out saga of scandal after scandal from those jumped up meme thieves over at SNN comes further revelations as our offices at The Rochdale...

Nigel Farage to replace David Dimbleby as host of BBC’s Question Time

The BBC have confirmed that Nigel Farage is to replace David Dimbleby as the host of its topical debate programme Question Time. It is understood that the ex-UKIP leader will take over from Dimbleby later...

Thousands dead in Daily Mail Olympics tragedy

Thousands of Daily Mail readers are dead today after their heads exploded whilst reading the rag's coverage of the Olympics. Mild confusion over the juxtaposition between the length of Helen Skelton's skirt and the Egyptian...

Daily Mail Editor suicidal with remorse over Jo Cox murder immigrant headline jibe

There were scenes of jubilation around the country this afternoon after Paul Dacre "did the decent thing" and shot himself with a revolver after drinking half a bottle of scotch at Northcliffe House.
Teletubbies

Christian Groups outraged as Multi-faith revamp of Teletubbies features NO Christian Character

Rochdale's creative industry seemingly received a huge boost last week as local TV production firm, Hot Pot Productions, was awarded a £6 million BBC contract to produce one hundred episodes of the revamped children's...

Daily Mail Editor defends decision to describe a psychopath as an alopecia suffer, not...

Less than a week has gone by since a Daily Mail editor allegedly tried to defend his decision to relegate the Olympic Gold Medallist, who happens to have alopecia, to the back cover of...

Radio 2 announces replacement of all Christmas songs with Call to Prayer to avoid...

If you want any chance of hearing any of your favourite Christmas tunes, then you better tune in to this week. Radio 2 has today announced that, due to the offensive nature of all Festive...

Daily Mail editor accused of Crocodile Tears following Polish migrant murder

The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man was beaten to death in a racist attack in Harlow...

Daily Mail issue apology for calling white mosque shooter a terrorist

There was chaos in The Daily Mail Newsroom this morning as they scrambled to reset copy before going to press after the gunman who opened fire in a mosque in Canada was revealed to...
Idris Elba

Idris Elba to play Jeremy Corbyn in upcoming Cold War spy thriller

Idris Elba is to be cast as Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn in a new spy thriller set during the height of The Cold War. The favourite of many to replace Daniel Craig as the next...

Editor of satirical Newspaper “not convinced” readers know what satire means

The editor of a satirical newspaper was reported to have his head in his hands after 60,000 people read an article he'd written about The Daily Mail's coverage of the Olympics and literally taken...

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