Daily Mail readers die from apoplexy after Muslim Immigrant wins Gold

Lord Rothermere is expected to file for bankruptcy on Monday after the last of his Daily Mail readers died of apoplexy following the 10,000m at the World Athletics Championships last night. Ambulances services, already stretched...

Satirists face existential crisis

Satirists around the world face extinction due to rising stupidity levels and utter fucking idiocy. "How am I supposed to write satire about this, there's literally nowhere to go? I've got a mortgage and kids...

We tried to write 5 unfunny things about the Buzzfeed job cuts – What...

The state of the world is our fault 1. People like free stuff, or more precisely, things they perceive to be free. 2. News websites that set up paywalls...

Taking are speling back!

The new Apple iOS update is to include a new autocorrect function for words such as muslin, briton and rasict. Computer giants and tax dodging bastards Apple have confirmed that the next update for its...

Daily Mail editor spontaneously combusts in Syrian child refugee logic feedback loop tragedy

After recent conflicts of conscience for the Mail, yesterday's news headlines about a little boy from Aleppo in Syria has caused it to disappear in a puff of confusion.  Recent problems for the Mail involving...

Daily Mail editor accused of Crocodile Tears following Polish migrant murder

The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man was beaten to death in a racist attack in Harlow...
Jeremy Clarkson

Clarkson hater not bothered about GT success

A writer for a satirical news site recently spent a lot of time saying that Jeremy Clarkson and Co's new Grand Tour show was going to flop. Now he's been shown to be utterly wrong,...

Top Fake News Reporter Newt Hump Admits “I Haven’t Been Making It Up”

Newt Hump, one of the World's foremost "Fake News" journalists has shockingly admitted that he hasn't been making it up. "I never intended it" he told the Rochdale Herald. "It was the pressure. The pressure...
Kelvin Mackenzie South Yorkshire Police

Kelvin Mackenzie is a bellend says South Yorkshire Police

South Yorkshire Police have taken the bold move to publicly call the former editor of the The Sun, Kelvin Mackenzie a "complete bellend" over comments he made about Liverpool, in The Sun, on the...
The Sun

The Sun to relaunch as Colouring Book

The UK’s second best-selling hate rag, The Sun, is to be relaunched as a colouring book.  As of next week, the Murdoch-owned ‘newspaper’ will cease printing stories and instead focus on producing “exciting and thought-provoking...

George Osborne represents the new Standard Londoner

There was surprise throughout the media world today when it was announced that Gideon "George" Osborne, MP for Tatton, would join the London Evening Standard as its new Editor. Querying his lack of any visible qualifications...

Daily Mail Editor suicidal with remorse over Jo Cox murder immigrant headline jibe

There were scenes of jubilation around the country this afternoon after Paul Dacre "did the decent thing" and shot himself with a revolver after drinking half a bottle of scotch at Northcliffe House.

More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur

Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the flames by insinuating that their beloved figurehead Nicola "Wee Jimmy"...

BBC Resolves Gender Pay Gap Crisis

Human Resources managers at the BBC have worked tirelessly throughout the weekend (completing two days of back-to-back 6 hour shifts with reduced ginseng tea breaks) trying to eliminate the gender pay gap at the...

Google under pressure as journalists try to figure out what Grime is

Google are busy bringing new servers online today as UK journalists research Grime to make it look like they're with it. "We at the Times are down with this Crime sound," said one writer, "and...

Friendless satirists reduced to talking in headlines on closed satire sites

Since the negative publicity surrounding "hoax news" networks, aka SATIRICAL FACEBOOK PAGES, much of their activity has been curtailed by certain leading executives of the social networking provider.  Many of the public sites have been...

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