Daily Mail photo editor awarded the Iron Cross

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The chief photo editor for The Daily Mail has been awarded the Iron Cross this afternoon. A spokesman for The Daily Mail said, "This award is great news. Cropping those black kids out of that...

Reality blamed for increase of violence on television

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Recent studies by a team at Oxford University have found potential links between reality and the increasing portrayal of graphic violence on TV. Many of the most popular television shows worldwide, including ratings giants The...

Channel 4 on course to disappear up its own arse

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Channel 4 have announced a new meta-programming initiative with which it hopes to exceed the success of the Gogglebox franchise. The new programming will further abstract the viewer from the action under discussion, creating...

Google under pressure as journalists try to figure out what Grime is

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Google are busy bringing new servers online today as UK journalists research Grime to make it look like they're with it. "We at the Times are down with this Crime sound," said one writer, "and...

Stop being puffs about the word gay Clarkson tells queers

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In the latest scandal to hit the trio of millionaire cold cut deniers, the runt of the litter, Richard Hammond caused controversy earlier this week on their new show The Grand Tour. The minature dead...

Daily Mail editor accused of Crocodile Tears following Polish migrant murder

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The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man was beaten to death in a racist attack in Harlow...
Rochdale paramedics

Breaking News: Dozens Dead in Fleet Street Fire

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Several dozen journalists at The Daily Mail are feared dead whilst dozens more are critically injured after laptop computers exploded in their Northcliffe House head office this morning. The tragedy occurred when The Daily Mail's...

Daily Mail readers die from apoplexy after Muslim Immigrant wins Gold

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Lord Rothermere is expected to file for bankruptcy on Monday after the last of his Daily Mail readers died of apoplexy following the 10,000m at the World Athletics Championships last night. Ambulances services, already stretched...

SNN and Rochdale Herald in Plagiarism Mr Tumble Rumble

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The Internet exploded this morning amidst claims that The Rochdale Herald is not only guilty of making up the news but has been plagiarising The Southend News Network. Professor Bryan Cocks of Rochdale's Community University...

Daily Mail editor on suicide watch as rumours of Mo Farah knighthood circulate

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There are genuine fears for the editor of The Daily Mail after a Somali born Muslim Immigrant ran to a double double victory at the Rio Olympics securing the title of Britain's greatest ever...

Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria

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Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.

New Beer Campaign Branded ‘Tasteless’

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The British Council For Drinking More Beer (BCFDMB) rolled out their latest advertising initiative, a series of billboard posters to be prominently displayed in the Rochdale area, to mixed responses this afternoon. "People simply aren't...

Editor of satirical Newspaper “not convinced” readers know what satire means

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The editor of a satirical newspaper was reported to have his head in his hands after 60,000 people read an article he'd written about The Daily Mail's coverage of the Olympics and literally taken...

OED to introduce new terms for despicable journalism

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Following some recent "newspaper" headlines, a source at the Oxford English Dictionary has revealed some new words to be introduced to accurately describe some of the "journalism" being printed in a certain UK tabloid. Lexicography...

BBC Resolves Gender Pay Gap Crisis

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Human Resources managers at the BBC have worked tirelessly throughout the weekend (completing two days of back-to-back 6 hour shifts with reduced ginseng tea breaks) trying to eliminate the gender pay gap at the...

Britain celebrates start of 40 days of losing its mind about Easter eggs

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Britain has been celebrating the start of its traditional Lent activity of being outraged about Easter Eggs not saying Easter on them. Father Frederick Seddon told us, "Our Lord himself  wandering lonely in the desert...

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