Katie Hopkins reluctantly buys conventional toilet after running out of platforms to shit from.
Katie Hopkins has been spotted in the bathroom section of Homebase today, after being forced to find a conventional way to dispose of her...
All w**ds to be b*nned to avoid offending p***ks
All words and language in all forms and formats are to be banned from next week for all eternity.
The reason for the multi-party agreed...
Laura Kuenssberg is a parrot confirm scientists analysing Twitter
The BBC’s most insightful political journalist has been discovered to be a species of parrot and awarded a delightful new name today by natural...
Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind...
The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they're allowed to watch.
Sun to be sold in paper bag
The Sun newspaper is to be sold with a free brown paper bag from next week, it was revealed on that Twitter thingy today.
“From...
Fake News hurts everyone insists bloke who tells people Jewish wizard’s Mum was a...
The head of the Catholic Church has waded into the debate on fake news and he hasn't shied away from getting his hands dirty.
Pope...
BBC to put Sir David Attenborough in a ‘stasis chamber’
The specialist chamber housing Sir David Attenborough was created by NASA for long haul space travel and would have allowed Astronauts to be put...
Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria
Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.
Corbyn’s meeting with Czech spy definitely ended The Cold War claims The Canary
The Canary has made the suprising claim that Jeremy Corbyn's meeting with a Czech spy hastened the end of the cold war. The claim...
We’re nothing like Trump Supporters insist lone wolves
Lone wolves are said to be up in arms this afternoon after CNN compared them to Trump Supporter and Canadian mosque shooter Alexandre Bissonnette.
Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction
The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction.
The...
Twitter removes blue tick from Donald Trump’s account
In the latest shake-up to twitter's format, the website have taken to removing the ticks from people for various reasons. Hatemongers have been particularly...
Love Thy Neighbour and Till Death do us Part set to get reboots.
The BBC and ITV have both announced this week that they intend reviving certain 'classic' 70's sitcoms because of the current fashion for being...
Specsavers Official Sponsors Of WWIII
Specsavers has announced it has signed a two-year deal as official sponsors of the forthcoming World War Three, with effect from mid November. The company...
Accusations of Racism Hit John Lewis Commercial
The new John Lewis advert, featuring a black British family giving their daughter a trampoline for Christmas has been denounced as racist.
"It's an...
Sex Workers to sue Daily Mail for comparing them to Melania Trump
Millions of sex workers are suing right wing rag, The Daily Mail, after they referred to Melania Trump as a "former sex worker" in...
