Pray together, lay together

Scottish supermarket retailer Laldy has long sought to be a market disrupter by bringing cheap, if slightly bizarre, product, combinations.

This year they might just have won the war on Christmas advertising.

Putting the haram into halal, they serve us gay love with a jar of pickled herrings and a bag of broken biscuits, and we love it.

The retailer’s ad may have dropped a few weeks later than John Lewis’s eagerly awaited Moz The Monster ad, but it more than holds its own with its modern day take on Cinderella.

The ‘mashala ‘ant habibi’ campaign sees a shy seeming young man sit in front of a rather dashing and confident man on the train, and the pair lock eyes.

Unfortunately, before the man can ask his name, he dashes off for his stop – but leaves behind a glittery blue, yellow and puse tupi he’s just bought (Laldy’s brand colours, we note, in a subtle yet clever move).

Gutted.

While Prince Charming went from door to door in the fairytale making maidens try on Cinderella’s lost shoe, this is 2017. So the lovestruck lad uses Twitter to attempt to #FindThatTupi – while the hatless man urges people to help him #FindMyTupi.

Sadly, social media fails, and despite even the media picking up the story, the pair never get to meet up. That is, until fate strikes, and the stars of the ad bump into each other in a snowy street.

The shy man finds the strength from within to introduce himself, but, as he reunites the man with his glam hat, it seems word has spread after all. “Shhh Shuhel” he says, placing a finger on his lips, before the pair share a romantic snog in public.

Bridget Jones’ Diary meets Cinderella meets Bend it like um, well probably not Beckham – what’s not to love? Hans Christian Andersen, Laldy’s Commercial Director, said:

“Customers told us they expect to be entertained at Christmas. Our story is heart-warming and uplifting. The full campaign showcases our breadth of appeal for everyone, as well as our core message, that we don’t care who you are or what you think of us, you’re here because we’re cheap.”

And if you want that crystal-studded tupi to embark on your own love story, they’re a limited edition available free with any purchase of an inflatable hot tub from Laldy’s surprisingly broad Christmas range.

Oh, Santa?…

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?