Lord Rothermere is expected to file for bankruptcy on Monday after the last of his Daily Mail readers died of apoplexy following the 10,000m at the World Athletics Championships last night.

Ambulances services, already stretched to breaking point, collapsed utterly and completely under the weight of calls from nursing homes reporting old ladies foaming at the mouth and fitting on the floor after discovering that a black Muslim from Somalia had won the 10,000m Gold medal for Britain in sensational fashion.

“We’re not sure if it was the fact that Mo is an immigrant that killed 125,000 pensioners this morning or the fact that the paper had something nice to say about a Muslim.” Said a spokesman for the Department of Health.

“It could have been much worse, if they had chosen to put Farah, who is now the greatest British Track Athlete in history with 3 Olympic Golds, as opposed to a photo of Laura Trot on the cover. She is much prettier to be fair. If they hadn’t, and Express readers had seen it, well it doesn’t bear thinking about.”

Mo now has more medals now than Gabriele Haile Selassie.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.


  1. Good old Brits…venting their spleen as their most talented won yet again…He didn’t trip up…or stop for a wee at the side of the track..He didn’t trip over his shoe lace..nor did he retire with a chipped toe nail…but that’s not good enough for the I am not racist…but he is a bit black brigade…sales of incontinence pads went out the window…

    • He grew up in Britain and runs in a British vest. He trains in the US because of better weather and altitude. He has to do that to compete at World class level. He’s the best distance runner we have ever had and probably will have for a long time. Being negative about him says more about you than him.

  2. The Rochdale Herald ! There’s another story there somewhere ! Wasn’t there 100s of young girls raped and tortured over 14 yrs by Muslim immigrants while that fucking paper along with theLabour Party and the superb South Yorkshire police did nothing
    Anyway let’s concentrate on the positives