Entertainment

Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.

Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael. A mass of floral tribute has already began to appear outside...

The patrons and entire staff team at The Reed public house were in shock yesterday, after a man wearing a culturally iconic but no longer relevant t-shirt of a long dead punk group managed...

The Burt Bacharach song, "Always something there to remind me" was written about Herpes. Or that's according to a new documentary to be screened on digital music channel, Scotch Egg 1 over Christmas. During the...

Dame Judi Dench, 81 years young, gave the world it's first sneak preview of her first ever tattoo at this afternoon's premiere of Aladdin at Rochdale's Gracie Fields Theatre. 'Ive been well into Ryan since...

Master baker, Paul Hollywood's human remains were found a few hours ago in a Premier Inn in Clitheroe. "All that was left was his right foot and a soggy bottom." Said Chief Superintendent Abdul Nasir. "We...

There are rumours circulating today that Prince Philip will get a central role in a new series of, The Walking Dead. The show depicts characters trying to stay alive following a zombie apocalypse. Each week...

The ongoing horror of the BBC's handling of the Soo the Panda sexing-up scandal took another dramatic twist last night as footage emerged of TV Stars Sooty & Sweep making off-air comments about their...

The late 1990's Scottish Indy Rock community is in mourning today after hearing the news that the ironically named band Dogs Die in Hot Cars have tragically died in hot car during a shopping...

The much loved character was played by the very youthful looking 83 year old Scientist, Actor and Professor Brian Cox who sadly passed away earlier today. Cox was a genius of comedy timing and a...

Everyone lost their shit this week when a rumour regarding the Bedknobs and Broomsticks (non-porno version) star appearing in Game of Thrones surfaced. "Appearing as what? A corpse?" asked Sandra Johnson, a 53 year mum...

Greta Thunberg has urged politicians to consider the planet they are leaving for Keith Richards when making policies that affect the climate. Speaking just before she set sail for Spain Thunberg said, "I am sailing...

Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these prices they must all be bloody rich as Croesus.  Let's...

Elton John, no stranger to controversy, has claimed that he had a one night stand with the mother of TV comedian-child Jimmy Krankie while on a mad Bucky bender many years ago. "I was out...

After a 5 year absence from our screens while laying into toot, Nigella Lawson returns to our screens this week with a series dedicated to suggestively stroking root vegetables. After many years paying attention...

The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley. Benny Arkwright, president of BMLC: "This will be the first non...