Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

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Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”

Enemy of the people: Fury as flamboyant FAKE judge overhead saying he voted ‘remain’

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'Judge' Rinder, or Mr. Rinder, to use his actual LEGAL title has angered Brexiters after he was overhead saying that he was a 'remainer'...

Experts agree that Josh Widdicombe is not bigger than Jesus

Theologists now agree that diminutive Josh Widdicombe is not the Second Coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Speculation had run rife that, having been born...
Bill and Ben

Boris Johnson confirmed to star in remake of Bill and Ben

Odd hairstyle, dependent upon Weed, strange manner of attire, frankly incomprehensible language - and you can see who's pulling the strings. Boris Johnson was born to...
Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey records shock cover of Dead Kennedy’s ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’ in support...

1
Born again Christian pop singer and self styled "voice of the MTV generation" Mariah Carey, has sent shock waves through tin pan alley with...
Elton John

Being a Liberal Democrat is not a sin claims Elton John

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The ageing singer and renowned diva famous for her tantrums, Mariah Carey, asked Elton John about his views on the struggling political party at...

Man who’s ‘sick of reboots’ stops watching them

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A man who claims that reboots of movies shouldn't be allowed because they always ruin the originals has stopped watching them. Trevor Sallis, an office...

Tragedy strikes as Dogs Die in Hot Cars die in hot car

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The late 1990's Scottish Indy Rock community is in mourning today after hearing the news that the ironically named band Dogs Die in Hot...
Darth Vader

Ken Loach to direct next Star Wars film ‘Empire on Strike’ as gritty Northern...

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Star Wars fans have been shocked by Disney's announcement that Star Wars episode IX will be directed by Ken Loach, who plans to pivot...
Musician

Man into ‘real music’ unveils plans to spend night sneering at Eurovision

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A 'real music' fan from Rochdale has revealed plans to spend tonight sneering loudly at the Eurovision song contest. Martin Williams 42, told the Herald "Even...

Tim Farron to star in 2017 remake of Sophie’s Choice

Universal Pictures have announced this week that they will be remaking the 1982 Academy Award winning classic Sophie's Choice with Tim Farron in the lead role made famous by Meryl Streep.
Angry

Seinfeld fan offended by ‘white free’ Luke Cage series

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Rochdale couch tuber, Archibald Taggart, has hidden himself away behind a fort made entirely of his Friends and Seinfeld video and DVD box sets,...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

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Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering...

Tim Farron quits politics to record Judy Garland cover album

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Tim Farron has sensationally quit the leadership of the Liberal Democrats this week to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a full time Judy Garland impersonator.
Radiohead

Radiohead settle copyright spat over Remoaners’ moaning and whining

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Radiohead have settled their claims that Remain voters have stolen all the moaning and whining directly from their back catalogue. Immediately after bringing an end...
Bake Off

God Ruins Bake Off

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This week's edition of Great British Bake Off was ruined when God interfered during Gay Cake Week.  The contestants had been asked to make Fairy...

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