Murder she wrote woman not dead

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Everyone lost their shit this week when a rumour regarding the Bedknobs and Broomsticks (non-porno version) star appearing in Game of Thrones surfaced. "Appearing as...
Leonard Cohen

Leonard Cohen ready to die because 2016 is a total wanksplat

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82 year old legend, and the only man currently able to wear a Fedora without looking like an absolute twat, Leonard Cohen has announced...
Katie Hopkins

Poisonous snake first to leave I’m A Celebrity after failing to overcome fear of...

108
The program known for subjecting contestants to creepy crawlies, scary animals and filthy challenges is facing a crisis after it has emerged that none...
Family Watching Television

ITV to rival Gogglebox with show about idiots watching morons watching television

3
Channel 4 have been ratings kings for the last few years with their flagship show, Gogglebox.  In the surprise smash idiots get to watch...

?Miranda Hart falls over for the last time

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During a performance in Derbyshire last night Miranda Hart fell over and no one laughed. "It just wasn't funny" said super fan Ewan King who...

Veteran grime artist G to the Ozzo blasts government with fresh diss track

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In a blistering attack worthy of such Hip Hop classics Tupac Shakur's Hit Em up and Nas Escobar's Ether.
child

Complete sadist buys 2 year old nephew a keyboard for Christmas

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A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas. Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was...
Idris Elba

Idris Elba to play Mary Poppins in long awaited Disney remake

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Idris Elba has been cast as Mary Poppins in the long awaited Disney remake of Mary Poppins. Competition was fierce for the role with Jodie...
Idris Elba

Idris Elba to play Jeremy Corbyn in upcoming Cold War spy thriller

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Idris Elba is to be cast as Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn in a new spy thriller set during the height of The Cold War. The...

Marvel say Super-Gonorrhoea ‘unlikely’ to feature in new Avengers movie

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Marvel Studios have confirmed that there are currently no plans for the gonorrhoea 'superbug' to star in its next instalment of the Avengers franchise. Referred to...

Remember the Wombles? Forgotten 70’s BBC stars found starving in hole in ground

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In their 1970s heyday they topped the charts with popular sing-a-long anthems like "Remember You're a Womble" and "Wombling Merry Christmas." But after the hits...

Burnley residents “Delighted” by the introduction of BBC2 in the area

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BBC2 finally came to Burnley yesterday. The TV channel, which first aired to the british public in 1967, finally made its first transmition to...
Bake Off

God Ruins Bake Off

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This week's edition of Great British Bake Off was ruined when God interfered during Gay Cake Week.  The contestants had been asked to make Fairy...

Bert Outs Himself as Straight After “Living a Lie”

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Actor and former Sesame Streeter Bert has broken one of the major taboos that surround acting by revealing that he is not gay. Bert had...

Meat Loaf isn’t dead

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Apparently Meat Loaf isn't dead and has a new album coming out, on account of still being alive. The big breasted Fight Club singer apparently...

A-ha Star In Blaze Nightmare

4
A source close to 80’s Norwegian heartthrob Morten Harket, of synthpop sensations A-ha, has confirmed that the housewives’ favourite was rushed to hospital last...

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