Jabba The Hutt denies allegations he’s ever been a movie producer
The interstellar crime boss and CEO of Tatooine’s largest cartel has gone on the record to deny allegations that he has ever received a...
Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns
As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined...
James Blunt demands Knighthood after Ed Sheeran receives MBE
The news of Ed Sheeran’s accolade in the latest honours list has been greeted by mixed reactions.
His fans have welcomed the news, but their...
Man who once burnt a Pot Noodle looking forward to another night of shouting...
A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at...
Parallel dimension parking ‘trickier than it looks’ says new Doctor Who
In a shocking confirmation of what arseholes up and down the country have been saying for hours, the new Doctor has fucked it already...
John Lewis advert “Darkly Sinister”
John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black...
Boris Johnson confirmed to star in remake of Bill and Ben
Odd hairstyle, dependent upon Weed, strange manner of attire, frankly incomprehensible language - and you can see who's pulling the strings.
Boris Johnson was born to...
Simon Cowell’s stairs win Brit Award for outstanding contribution to music industry
Simon Cowell’s stairs have received a Brit Award for their outstanding contribution to the music industry after the reality TV star was found unconscious...
Prince Harry gets job as Prince Harry look-alike
Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada.
His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince...
Gallagher in filthy pool party outrage
Our colleagues at the Swindon Advertiser have told us that bacteria in the water has resulted in the Oasis pool being shut for the...
Tim Farron quits politics to record Judy Garland cover album
Tim Farron has sensationally quit the leadership of the Liberal Democrats this week to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a full time Judy Garland impersonator.
JK Rowling Announces New Harry Potter Book
In a move sure to delight her legion of fans, JK Rowling has let slip to the World a new book in the series.
Do you have the X Factor? Join in our interactive game.
X Factor fans will be delighted to see the return of the unfathomably popular "talent" show this evening.
To celebrate the new series we at...
Mike Pence attends Broadway musical by mistake
Vice-President elect Mike Pence was roundly booed after he attended a performance of Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’ entirely by accident.
Nigel Farage leaves LBC for remake of Howards’ Way; Nigels’ Way
Nigel Farage has left LBC and got a job on a new remake of Howards' Way called, Nigels' Way.
Producer Bill Board told us, "Nigel...
East goes west in latest Celebrity Bushtucker Trial
"I'm pleased to have played my part though I won't be joining camp for dinner. I'm stuffed."
