?Miranda Hart falls over for the last time

During a performance in Derbyshire last night Miranda Hart fell over and no one laughed. "It just wasn't funny" said super fan Ewan King who attended the show. "Usually when she falls over I'm in...

Oscars turmoil as Trump mistakenly awarded prize as “President of La La land”

The 90th annual academy award "Oscars" ceremony was thrown into turmoil when Donald Trump was mistakenly awarded the best actor prize for his role as president of La La Land. "This is very embarrassing, we...

Corbyn criticised over links to NWA

Controversial Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been heavily criticised for his links to rap group NWA. A picture of Jeremy "terrorists are my mates" Corbyn sipping gin and juice with rapper Easy E has been largely shared across social media.
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering singer has told reporters "Look, i just made it up...

Mary Berry to retire from television

With the news that The Great British Bake-Off is to move to Channel 4, host and national treasure Mary Berry has announced her retirement from television. The national treasure told the Herald today; "I've had a...

‘Wiccan Masterchef’ and ‘The Sharifs Are Coming’ to head BBC’s new cultural diversity programming

Bosses at the BBC are poised to announce a list of new TV shows to better reflect the religious views of it's viewers. As announced recently, the BBC has been tasked by it's controllers...

Band Aid 2016 to raise Buckingham Palace repair costs

A new version of 'Do they Know is Christmas?' has been released in time for the Christmas number one top spot. The track by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure is the latest of many releases...

Katie Hopkins replaced by audio book of Mein Kampf narrated by Paul Nuttall

Until LBC can find a suitable successor to Katie Hopkins her slot will be filled by a looped recording of Mein Kampf, narrated by Paul Nuttall. LBC's controversial move was decided upon as an attempt...
Mrs Brown's Boys

Mrs Brown’s Boys accused of hiding all their funny jokes in offshore accounts

Following recent reports that members of the cast of inexplicably popular BBC "comedy" Mrs Brown's Boys have funds stored in offshore tax havens, The Rochdale Herald has learned of more allegations in relation to...

Victory for disability campaigners as Broccoli family confirm next Bond will be paraplegic

The next James Bond will be played by a paraplegic actor, Eon Productions has announced. Auditions for Daniel Craig’s replacement will begin in the summer and filming of Goldenchair is set to begin early next...
Telly Tubbies

Tinky Winky to return half of salary after identifying as a woman

BBC bosses have demanded that Teletubbies star Tinky Winky hand back half the wages ever paid over the course of the show after she came out as transgender. Media spokesman for the BBC Brian Smith...

Nigel Farage makes surprise appearance at Rochdale circus

The audience at Rochdale's Junkie Bros Circus certainly got more than they bargained for last night when Farage entered the ring. In a bizarre twist, a nervous looking Farage daringly rode a unicycle along...

Hollywood shocked as no Fast & Furious movie released this week after star’s arrest

Hollywood bigwigs and film goers alike were left reeling by the news that the seemingly endless Fast and Furious franchise does not have a movie scheduled for release this week. Fast and Furious 167 (Barnsley...

Tim Westwood admits that he is a white man trapped in a black man’s...

“Tim Westwood is a giant twat, and his name makes me cringe. I LOATHE the fact that, like him or not, the hip-hop scene in the UK owes him a massive debt. It really galls me, it really does. Twat.” A. Spaniel

Murder she wrote woman not dead

Everyone lost their shit this week when a rumour regarding the Bedknobs and Broomsticks (non-porno version) star appearing in Game of Thrones surfaced. "Appearing as what? A corpse?" asked Sandra Johnson, a 53 year mum...

Man who’s ‘sick of reboots’ stops watching them

A man who claims that reboots of movies shouldn't be allowed because they always ruin the originals has stopped watching them. Trevor Sallis, an office manager from Basingstoke, said; "They need to leave stuff alone....

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