Meat Loaf isn’t dead

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Apparently Meat Loaf isn't dead and has a new album coming out, on account of still being alive. The big breasted Fight Club singer apparently...

BBC bans racist song White Christmas

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The BBC working on advice from Institute for Cultural Correctness has announced that the song, White Christmas is to be banned. Spokeswoman for the perpetually...

Here’s how you can join in with The Herald’s interactive Celebrity Big Brother game

Celebrity Big Brother fans will be looking forward to tonight's triple eviction in the run up to Friday's finale. Finalists definitely making it through to...
Music Fesitval

This week already pissed off with itself and planning a holiday

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Millions of Microsoft outlook users are about to receive an unexpected update in their calendars. The Rochdale Herald has just received an email from an...
Phil Collins

Phil Collins says 80s were his Coldplay years

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Phil Collins has been telling the Saga trade magazine, Zimmer how he sees the 1980's as his Coldplay years. Collins told the magazine, "Look, when...

GBBO causes football fracas

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It has been revealed that last night's violence at the London stadium was caused when West Ham fans chanted the name of the Bake...
Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley confirmed as world’s second biggest wanker

Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.

Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned...
ALBERT

V&A apologises for asking man who whipped his Albert out to cover up

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The Victoria and Albert Museum has apologised after a man said he was asked to "cover up" while whipping his cock out for a...
Jeremy Corbyn

Corbyn stuns Glastonbury with acapella cover of Prodigy’s Firestarter on Pyramid Stage

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Jeremy Corbyn left the bustling fields of Glastonbury in stunned silence this afternoon after performing an accapella ballad of the renowned Prodigy song 'Firestarter'. Corbyn...

Blank screen favourite to win Britain’s Got Talent

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The blank screen caused by technical difficulties during Britain's Got Talent is now firm favourite to win. Bookies are giving the screen more favourable odds...

Burnley residents “Delighted” by the introduction of BBC2 in the area

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BBC2 finally came to Burnley yesterday. The TV channel, which first aired to the british public in 1967, finally made its first transmition to...

Rochdale Christmas light turn on will be a Britain First

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This year's celebrity flicker of Rochdale's Christmas light will be none other than high flying anti-Muslim racist bigots and all round general socialites, Paul...
Old man tying shoe laces

Man who can tie his own shoelaces favourite to win Burnley’s Got Talent

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Headlining the, new, ITV Spring schedule is the hit series, Burnley's Got Talent, hosted by one of the Ant and Dec twins. Described by the...

Harry Potter thinks Corbo is “Absolutely Wizard!”

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Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days...

Gary Barlow wins 2017 Nobel Lit Prize

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In news from the future today, we have learned that Gary 'Tory Tax Breaks' Barlow is/will be the winner of the 2017 Nobel Prize...

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