Sheikh & Bake! Al Jazeera Swoop For Mary Berry, Mel & Sue

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In a dramatic twist in the GBBO story reports this morning say that founding members of the cast have signed contracts for a new...
The Pope

If Barry Manilow is gay then I’m a Catholic says Pope

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Housewives favourite and renowned woman shagger Barry Manilow stunned the world yesterday by finally revealing he's gay.
Lucy Worsley

Lucy Worsley to front 10 part series on History of Lucy Worsley

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Dishy blonde TV historian Lucy Worsley Monday announced that she will be presenting a new 10 part series "The Entire History of Lucy Worsley". The new...

Man dry retches vital organs up after remote batteries die during episode of The...

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Keith Lambert sadly passed yesterday evening, after an horrific coughing fit which was brought on by the prospect of enduring a full hour of...
Lord Sugar from The Apprentice

All contestants to win The Apprentice this year

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The BBC has forced Sir Alan Sugar to allow everyone in the current series of The Apprentice to be given a job in the...

Man vows to watch Game of Thrones right after the US Election, Breaking Bad...

Rochdale was in turmoil last night after discovering that the last remaining person in the UK yet to watch Season 6 of Game of...

Paul Hollywood found dead after ‘eating himself’

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Master baker, Paul Hollywood's human remains were found a few hours ago in a Premier Inn in Clitheroe. "All that was left was his right...

Real housewives of Rochdale Town scrapped

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Channel 5 has announced that it has scrapped its planned series "Real Housewives Of Rochdale Town" after the pilot episode turned out to be...
Game of Thrones

Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns

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As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined...

Tom Hiddleston does a runner.

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Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift...
Doctor Who

Gritty realism of Doctor Who ‘stretched beyond credulity’ by absence of penis

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Hard-hitting documentary Doctor Who, dedicated to exposing the harsh reality of spontaneously-regenerating Time Lords, has become 'a laughing stock ruined by periods', agree internet...
Ant and Dec

Ant or Dec to present Saturday Night Takeaway without Ant or Dec

Ant or Dec is going to present ITV's Saturday Night Takeaway on his or his own for the rest of this series, it has...

Katie Hopkins reluctantly buys conventional toilet after running out of platforms to shit from.

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Katie Hopkins has been spotted in the bathroom section of Homebase today, after being forced to find a conventional way to dispose of her...

Crystal Maze to return as literally no ideas left

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The Crystal Maze is set to return our screens, again; "The barrel has no bottom. There's nothing left to scrape anymore. This is it." Said...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling wins Turner Prize for dystopian work “Railway Timetable in May”

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The Turner Prize committee has announced that this year's prize will be awarded to Chris Grayling for his dystopian work, "Railway Timetable in May". A...

A-ha Star In Blaze Nightmare

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A source close to 80’s Norwegian heartthrob Morten Harket, of synthpop sensations A-ha, has confirmed that the housewives’ favourite was rushed to hospital last...

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