Nick Clegg announced to appear on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

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After being metaphorically bludgeoned to death by his electorate, former MP and Liberal Democrats leader Nick Clegg has left politics with his reputation in...

Mel Brooks quits movies, I’ve been Trumped, he says

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Legendary film director Mel Brooks has called it quits with Hollywood after more than fifty years saying he can no longer compete with reality...
Family Watching Television

ITV to rival Gogglebox with show about idiots watching morons watching television

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Channel 4 have been ratings kings for the last few years with their flagship show, Gogglebox.  In the surprise smash idiots get to watch...
Peter Capaldi

Flying a Tardis is so easy even a woman can do it, Peter Capaldi...

7
“Putting a woman in the Tardis is like putting a woman in Number Ten. And we all know how well that went!” Capaldi said,...
Middle Aged Man

Man ‘still hip’ because he likes new bands like Radiohead

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Derek Brasshouse, 54, an accountant in Rochdale Borough Council's swimming pool department, considers himself to be still 'with it' because he enjoys new bands...
Freddie Mercury and Brian May

Britain First drop ‘We Will Rock You’ theme on learning Freddie Mercury’s Indian heritage

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In a documentary about the life and death of Freddie Mercury, which recently aired on the biffer TV network, Channel 5, it was pointed out...

Arsehole dies in Karmic Avalanche

An arsehole died on Saturday in an avalanche of karma whilst trying to piss off and murder a massive angry bull in front of...
Alanis Morisette

Alanis Morisette to rename 1996 hit Inconvenient after learning what Ironic means

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Canadian rock songstress Alanis Morisette has re-written her 1996 classic single "Ironic" after finally meeting a British person who filled her in on the meaning of the word irony.

BBC bans racist song White Christmas

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The BBC working on advice from Institute for Cultural Correctness has announced that the song, White Christmas is to be banned. Spokeswoman for the perpetually...

The Smiths to reform for Cameron benefit concert

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Legendary 80s Manchester miserablists The Smiths are to reform for a one-off benefit concert for former UK prime minister David Cameron, a spokesperson for...
Tardis

Parallel dimension parking ‘trickier than it looks’ says new Doctor Who

In a shocking confirmation of what arseholes up and down the country have been saying for hours, the new Doctor has fucked it already...

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