After news broke this week that one half of comic duo Reeves and Mortimer had landed a role in Coronation Street, technerds immediately got to work hacking Granada for the scripts and have now leaked them online.

“It seesm that Vic’s character is a doctor who is having a quick half of Old Peculiar in the Rover’s Return,” explained our entertainment and that twitter expert, Douglas, “Fortunately Vic is there when a strange thing happens to Gail’s legs and he quickly diagnoses that she is suffering from Guy-Forking of the legs. Just like Brian May.”

This apparently leads to Vic working at the local GP surgery where he treats a returning Carla Conner for migraine by hitting her over the head with an out-sized frying pan.

“He also diagnoses Ken Barlow with Edmonds Syndrome after asking if he can smell cigaretttes,” Douglas told us, “When Ken says no, he pulls out an onion and says ‘What, not even if their really close?’ and from Ken’s deapan face he knows he’s sick.”

Rumours that other roles may go to Michael McIntyre, Lee Mack and a host of others whose comedy career has fallen on its bum have yet to be confirmed.