Following the shock decision to give Ms Hopkins, who has been sacked from numerous broadcasting jobs because of her wordhole, a spot on one of the biggest tv shows, it appears that one of the presenters is taking matters into his own hands.

Declan Donnelly rang the Rochdale Herald to vent his feelings and his plans for the show.

We were a little surprised he called reverse charges, but we accepted the call in the national interest.

“I cannae believe that poobag has got the gig. After everything that she has done and people are still prepared to pay her and give her exposure. Ant isn’t recovering from addiction, he was told about this three months ago and he is still in shock and unable to control his anger. She’s probably tweeted that she has the solution to get to the final or something else that Hitler rejected as too harsh.

But I have got plans in place to sort gobby knickers out, which involves a knife, a parachute, five grand, a pilot and a picture of Nigel Farage in assless chaps. When they leap off the plane to their secluded jungle area, then hopefully she will go down. If that doesn’t work I will just punch her in the face, you know for the people. Dec decks dick, I can see the headlines now. Or maybe we bring Wonky Donkey back for Hatie Katie.”

It was as this point we cut short the call as we were worried Mr Donnelly would explode with rage.