Idris Elba

Idris Elba to play Jeremy Corbyn in upcoming Cold War spy thriller

Idris Elba is to be cast as Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn in a new spy thriller set during the height of The Cold War. The favourite of many to replace Daniel Craig as the next...

Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda

The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley. Benny Arkwright, president of BMLC: "This will be the first non...

Climate crisis totally worth it if it stops Coldplay touring, says Greta Thunberg

Greta Thunberg has announced that complete environmental collapse will be worth it now that Coldplay have announced they will stop touring to help save the planet. Thunberg appeared on Friday in a brand new Range...
Idris Elba

Leaked Bond script just ninety minutes of Idris Elba’s Aston Martin being stopped by...

Latest Bond film, Stop and be Searched, shows James Bond as you have never seen him before After speculation in recent months that the next James Bond could be black or a woman, but obviously...

Radio 2 announces replacement of all Christmas songs with Call to Prayer to avoid...

If you want any chance of hearing any of your favourite Christmas tunes, then you better tune in to this week. Radio 2 has today announced that, due to the offensive nature of all Festive...

Paul Hollywood found dead after ‘eating himself’

Master baker, Paul Hollywood's human remains were found a few hours ago in a Premier Inn in Clitheroe. "All that was left was his right foot and a soggy bottom." Said Chief Superintendent Abdul Nasir. "We...
Doctor Who

Calls for end to austerity as BBC reveal they can only afford female to...

Cost cutting at state broadcaster curtails roles for male actors. The BBC has responded to continuing pressure from central government to reduce costs by reducing production budgets. This ongoing pressure is nowhere more visible than on...

Nigella returns with a series on how to wank vegetables

After a 5 year absence from our screens while laying into toot, Nigella Lawson returns to our screens this week with a series dedicated to suggestively stroking root vegetables. After many years paying attention...
Lord Sugar from The Apprentice

Lord Sugar to humiliate 18 tossers in annual quest to find nation’s biggest twat

Hairy scrotum faced narcissist and entrepreneur, Lord Sugar, has launched his annual challange to find the UK's biggest arsehole after himself. The one time Klingon cameo actor will spend the next 10 weeks firing people...

Greta Thunberg named Time’s Person of the Year for stopping Coldplay touring

Greta Thunberg has won Time magazine's Person of the Year for her work in stopping Coldplay from touring. Thunberg said, "All of my life there has been this elephant in the room. Something nobody wants...

‘On The Buses’ Star In 70’s Sex Shocker

In light of the recent revelations surrounding the scandalous sexual exploits of certain Hollywood actors and some of our own MP’s, one of Britain’s most well-loved comedy stars has come out with his own...

Prince Harry gets job as Prince Harry look-alike

Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada. His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince Harry at the moment. With that attention then demand for...
Lucy Worsley

Lucy Worsley to front 10 part series on History of Lucy Worsley

Dishy blonde TV historian Lucy Worsley Monday announced that she will be presenting a new 10 part series "The Entire History of Lucy Worsley". The new ground breaking series, which will air on BBC4 in the...

Thousands gather in London to watch fireworks through their phones

Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people stood next to each other with their devices held aloft...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip to star in new season of The Walking Dead

There are rumours circulating today that Prince Philip will get a central role in a new series of, The Walking Dead. The show depicts characters trying to stay alive following a zombie apocalypse. Each week...
Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley confirmed as world’s second biggest wanker

Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.

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