Radio 2 announces replacement of all Christmas songs with Call to Prayer to avoid...

If you want any chance of hearing any of your favourite Christmas tunes, then you better tune in to this week. Radio 2 has today announced that, due to the offensive nature of all Festive...

Mr Tumble suspended by the BBC as he does not have a current CRB...

An urgent investigation has been launched after the BBC was forced to suspend all shows across their network that include the massively-popular Mr Tumble - this includes Something Special, a programme with millions of...
Asda

Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda

The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley. Benny Arkwright, president of BMLC: "This will be the first non...
Doctor Who

Calls for end to austerity as BBC reveal they can only afford female to...

Cost cutting at state broadcaster curtails roles for male actors. The BBC has responded to continuing pressure from central government to reduce costs by reducing production budgets. This ongoing pressure is nowhere more visible than on...

Corbyn criticised over links to NWA

Controversial Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been heavily criticised for his links to rap group NWA. A picture of Jeremy "terrorists are my mates" Corbyn sipping gin and juice with rapper Easy E has been largely shared across social media.
Lord Sugar from The Apprentice

Lord Sugar to humiliate 18 tossers in annual quest to find nation’s biggest twat

Hairy scrotum faced narcissist and entrepreneur, Lord Sugar, has launched his annual challange to find the UK's biggest arsehole after himself. The one time Klingon cameo actor will spend the next 10 weeks firing people...

‘On The Buses’ Star In 70’s Sex Shocker

In light of the recent revelations surrounding the scandalous sexual exploits of certain Hollywood actors and some of our own MP’s, one of Britain’s most well-loved comedy stars has come out with his own...

Nigella returns with a series on how to wank vegetables

After a 5 year absence from our screens while laying into toot, Nigella Lawson returns to our screens this week with a series dedicated to suggestively stroking root vegetables. After many years paying attention...
Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley confirmed as world’s second biggest wanker

Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.

Paul Nutall announces he’s going to be the next Doctor

Early last week news broke that Peter Capaldi will stepping down from the iconic role after this year's Christmas special. Speculation has been rife as to who will replace Capaldi in the Doctor's next incarnation,...

Radiohead Gig Attracts Record Number Of Twats

Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig. It is estimated that, of the 31,000 crowd, 68.7% were utter tosspots. The total...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling wins Turner Prize for dystopian work “Railway Timetable in May”

The Turner Prize committee has announced that this year's prize will be awarded to Chris Grayling for his dystopian work, "Railway Timetable in May". A committee member told us, "This work is profound. There is...

JK Rowling dedicates next book Harry Potter and The Dead Girl’s Voicemail to Piers...

JK Rowling has dedicated the next instalment of the global phenomenon Harry Potter to Piers Morgan.
Mrs Brown's Boys

Mrs Brown’s Boys accused of hiding all their funny jokes in offshore accounts

Following recent reports that members of the cast of inexplicably popular BBC "comedy" Mrs Brown's Boys have funds stored in offshore tax havens, The Rochdale Herald has learned of more allegations in relation to...

Dolly Parton to re-release classic ‘9 to 5’ as ‘8 to 6 on a...

Music industry representatives were bouncing off walls this morning with the news that megastar Dolly Parton is to re-release her classic smash hit ‘9 to 5’, re-titled ‘8 to 6 on a zero hours...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson arrested outside Big Brother house for live streaming name of 1st evictee

Police were called by the bigwigs at Channel 5 today to have self proclaimed journalist and all round twat Tommy Robinson removed from outside the Big Brother household at around 6pm this evening for...

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