Climate crisis totally worth it if it stops Coldplay touring, says Greta Thunberg

0
Greta Thunberg has announced that complete environmental collapse will be worth it now that Coldplay have announced they will stop touring to help save the planet. Thunberg appeared on Friday in a brand...
Idris Elba

Leaked Bond script just ninety minutes of Idris Elba’s Aston Martin being stopped by...

0
Latest Bond film, Stop and be Searched, shows James Bond as you have never seen him before After speculation in recent months that the next James Bond could be black or a woman, but obviously...

Mr Tumble suspended by the BBC as he does not have a current CRB...

An urgent investigation has been launched after the BBC was forced to suspend all shows across their network that include the massively-popular Mr Tumble - this includes Something Special, a programme with millions of...

Radio 2 announces replacement of all Christmas songs with Call to Prayer to avoid...

0
If you want any chance of hearing any of your favourite Christmas tunes, then you better tune in to this week. Radio 2 has today announced that, due to the offensive nature of all Festive...
Asda

Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda

0
The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley. Benny Arkwright, president of BMLC: "This will be the first non...
Doctor Who

Calls for end to austerity as BBC reveal they can only afford female to...

53
Cost cutting at state broadcaster curtails roles for male actors. The BBC has responded to continuing pressure from central government to reduce costs by reducing production budgets. This ongoing pressure is nowhere more visible than on...
Lord Sugar from The Apprentice

Lord Sugar to humiliate 18 tossers in annual quest to find nation’s biggest twat

61
Hairy scrotum faced narcissist and entrepreneur, Lord Sugar, has launched his annual challange to find the UK's biggest arsehole after himself. The one time Klingon cameo actor will spend the next 10 weeks firing people...

Greta Thunberg named Time’s Person of the Year for stopping Coldplay touring

0
Greta Thunberg has won Time magazine's Person of the Year for her work in stopping Coldplay from touring. Thunberg said, "All of my life there has been this elephant in the room. Something...

‘On The Buses’ Star In 70’s Sex Shocker

0
In light of the recent revelations surrounding the scandalous sexual exploits of certain Hollywood actors and some of our own MP’s, one of Britain’s most well-loved comedy stars has come out with his own...

Nigella returns with a series on how to wank vegetables

0
After a 5 year absence from our screens while laying into toot, Nigella Lawson returns to our screens this week with a series dedicated to suggestively stroking root vegetables. After many years paying attention...

Thousands gather in London to watch fireworks through their phones

0
Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people stood next to each other with their devices held aloft...
Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley confirmed as world’s second biggest wanker

Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.

Paul Nutall announces he’s going to be the next Doctor

0
Early last week news broke that Peter Capaldi will stepping down from the iconic role after this year's Christmas special. Speculation has been rife as to who will replace Capaldi in the Doctor's next incarnation,...

Radiohead Gig Attracts Record Number Of Twats

118
Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig. It is estimated that, of the 31,000 crowd, 68.7% were utter tosspots. The total...

Greta Thunberg urges politicians to think of the planet they are leaving for Keith...

0
Greta Thunberg has urged politicians to consider the planet they are leaving for Keith Richards when making policies that affect the climate. Speaking just before she set sail for Spain Thunberg said, "I...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling wins Turner Prize for dystopian work “Railway Timetable in May”

0
The Turner Prize committee has announced that this year's prize will be awarded to Chris Grayling for his dystopian work, "Railway Timetable in May". A committee member told us, "This work is profound. There is...

Follow us

61,596FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
23,463FollowersFollow

Popular Posts