Couldn’t organise a piss up at a brewery now Couldn’t open an envelope at...
People bored with ways of describing the gross ineptitude they see around them on a daily basis in work, in the media, in government and politics...
Man who once burnt a Pot Noodle looking forward to another night of shouting...
A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at...
Viewers hail best X Factor episode in years as sound fails
X Factor viewers are hailing last nights episode of The X Factor, the greatest episode ever after the sound failed.
The still inexplicably popular show, featuring people sucking...
I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK
Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings.
The 80's porkie-pie uttering...
Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael
Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael.
A...
Self Proclaimed Lennon Fan Actually Knows More McCartney Songs
A man who claims to prefer John Lennon to Paul McCartney actually knows more of the latter’s songs, it has emerged.
Music fan Lennie Payne...
The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale
Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one...
Britain First drop ‘We Will Rock You’ theme on learning Freddie Mercury’s Indian heritage
In a documentary about the life and death of Freddie Mercury, which recently aired on the biffer TV network, Channel 5, it was pointed out...
The Smiths to reform for Cameron benefit concert
Legendary 80s Manchester miserablists The Smiths are to reform for a one-off benefit concert for former UK prime minister David Cameron, a spokesperson for...
Peter Pan of Pop Peeves Proud Populace
Cliff Richards recently learned that South Yorkshire Police will not be pursuing historic sexual abuse claims against him, but he hasn't escaped the wrath...
Jeremy Corbyn confirmed as contestant for Strictly Come Dancing 2017
It's shaping up to be another great year for Strictly Come Dancing as yet another political star is confirmed on the line up to...
All contestants to win The Apprentice this year
The BBC has forced Sir Alan Sugar to allow everyone in the current series of The Apprentice to be given a job in the...
Stupid Rochdale man flattered by clickbait
Exceptionally dim Rochdale man Brian Kershaw was yesterday super excited after answering nearly all of the questions correctly in an online quiz.
Before he clicked...
Writers of Brexit admit they’ve no idea how to end it and it’s going...
The writers behind the hit show, Brexit say they've no idea how to end the show and there are fears it could turn into...
John Lewis advert “Darkly Sinister”
John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black...
Florence and Dougal quit UK over Brexit fears
In a shock move, Magic Roundabout stars Florence and Dougal have announced they are quitting the UK to move back to their native France...
