Blade Runner sequel to be every bit as good as Prometheus

The news that the sequel to Sci Fi classic Blade Runner is being banged together finally made the news today after a worker was...
Idris Elba

Idris Elba to play Mary Poppins in long awaited Disney remake

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Idris Elba has been cast as Mary Poppins in the long awaited Disney remake of Mary Poppins. Competition was fierce for the role with Jodie...

Mary, Mel and Sue to present new slapstick kids tv show ‘The Cackle...

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The trio who recently opted out of any future appearances on Great British Bake Off after its acquisition by Channel 4 announced the news...

Katie Hopkins reluctantly buys conventional toilet after running out of platforms to shit from.

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Katie Hopkins has been spotted in the bathroom section of Homebase today, after being forced to find a conventional way to dispose of her...

Thousands gather in London to watch fireworks through their phones

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Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people...
Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones is more Narnia With Knockers than Tolkien With Tits says Andrew...

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Comedy cultural commentator and serial gag-pincher Andrew Neil has disagreed with the Herald's analysis of Game of Thrones. "Lord of the Rings is densely written,...
Candice

Bake Off Champion Candice announces conversion to Islam

Candice Clay, winner of the 2016 Great British Bake off, has sensationally announced She is converting to Islam.

Manilow ditches piano for oboe

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In a shock move American pianist singer songwriter Barry Manilow has announced that he is abandoning the piano in favour of the oboe. Manilow said...
Middle Aged Man

Man ‘still hip’ because he likes new bands like Radiohead

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Derek Brasshouse, 54, an accountant in Rochdale Borough Council's swimming pool department, considers himself to be still 'with it' because he enjoys new bands...

How the fuck do you follow THAT, Dave Grohl screams at Glastonbury organiser after...

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Dave Grohl is alleged to have been quaking having to follow on from Jeremy Corbyn even exclaiming "How the f**k do we follow that." Grohl...

Songwriter reveals “Always something there to remind me” was written about Herpes

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The Burt Bacharach song, "Always something there to remind me" was written about Herpes. Or that's according to a new documentary to be screened...
Old man tying shoe laces

Man who can tie his own shoelaces favourite to win Burnley’s Got Talent

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Headlining the, new, ITV Spring schedule is the hit series, Burnley's Got Talent, hosted by one of the Ant and Dec twins. Described by the...

Celebrity Big Brother get Saw makeover

As the launch of the zillionth series of Celebrity Big Brother plans to get underway in just a few hours, The Rochdale Herald can...

Ant in rehab after Dec shoots him in the eye with paintball gun

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The North East was rocked today as Ant revealed he has been shot in the eye by long time friend and co-presenter Dec.
Noel Edmunds

Channel 4 axes Deal Or No Deal after contestant cracks formula

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Channel 4's flagship box-based quiz show "Deal Or No Deal" is to be axed after Rochdale maths wizard Ken Ramsbottom cracked the code that's...

BBC’s Sooty and Sweep Caught “off-air” in Soo Scandal

The ongoing horror of the BBC's handling of the Soo the Panda sexing-up scandal took another dramatic twist last night as footage emerged of...

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