Corbyn Glastonbury

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these prices they must all be bloody rich as Croesus.  Let's...

Tim Farron to star in 2017 remake of Sophie’s Choice

Universal Pictures have announced this week that they will be remaking the 1982 Academy Award winning classic Sophie's Choice with Tim Farron in the lead role made famous by Meryl Streep.

Theresa May to appear from Pyramid in Glastonbury

Conservative leader to introduce those monks from Doctor Who on the main stage as Michael Eavis pours away his cider and looks accusingly at the bottle. Theresa May will appear in a giant Pyramid during...

Yes Prime Minister explains the Trident Vote

Sir Humphrey: With Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe. Jim Hacker: I don't want to obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe.  Sir Humphrey: It's a deterrent.  Jim Hacker: It's a bluff. I probably wouldn't...

Parents across the country prepare to encourage their kids to defy them

Yes, it's that time of the year again, the nights are drawing in, there's a chill in the air and knob heads can't wait two hours until it goes dark before letting off their...
Kate Middleton

Duchess of Cambridge to host special royal edition of Bake Off

Hot on the news that she is expecting her third child Channel 4 has announced that the Duchess of Cambridge is to present a special royal edition of Bake Off. "This is a unique opportunity...

Man dry retches vital organs up after remote batteries die during episode of The...

Keith Lambert sadly passed yesterday evening, after an horrific coughing fit which was brought on by the prospect of enduring a full hour of the 7pm BBC show. After 6 minutes of dry retching Mr....

Gallagher in filthy pool party outrage

Our colleagues at the Swindon Advertiser have told us that bacteria in the water has resulted in the Oasis pool being shut for the rest of the summer holidays. The discovery of cryptosporidium, which poses...
James blunt

James Blunt demands Knighthood after Ed Sheeran receives MBE

The news of Ed Sheeran’s accolade in the latest honours list has been greeted by mixed reactions. His fans have welcomed the news, but their grandparents have asked, “Who’s he then and what does he do?” See...

Journalist who faked own death to replace Andrew Lincoln on The Walking Dead

Russian journalist, Arkady Babchenko, who was believed to have been murdered has turned up alive and announced he will be replacing Andrew Lincoln in, The Walking Dead. It was announced that the journalist had received...

George Osborne confirmed as 13th Doctor Who

Versatile former Chancellor to play austere Time Lord. George Osborne, the former Chancellor turned newspaper editor and investment management firm lobbyist, has been announced today as the 13th Doctor. BBC sources were quick to position the...
Magic Circle

Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert

Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy. The so-called magicians have publicly recorded many of their barbaric acts including brutally...

Simon Cowell’s stairs win Brit Award for outstanding contribution to music industry

Simon Cowell’s stairs have received a Brit Award for their outstanding contribution to the music industry after the reality TV star was found unconscious at the bottom of them, it has been announced. Judd Jim...
Russell Brand

Russell Brand in hot water again for ‘pranking’ Andrews Sachs’ granddaughter

Long haired Labour killer and plastic revolutionary, Russell Brand, has come under fire once again this morning after 'pranking' the granddaughter of the late Andrew Sachs. Sachs, best known for his role as hapless Spanish...

Tom Hiddleston does a runner.

Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift had ended.  Tom is reported to have told a close friend...

Feminist nominated for comedy award they didn’t enter after Facebook tirade

Ipswich feminist Leigh Askew has been included on the shortlist for a new category at the British Comedy Awards. The inaugural Funniest Social Media Post award has been included to reward those lesser known comedians...

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