After accusations that contestant duo, The Brooks, have financial links to has-been Stock, Aitken and Watermelon product Sinitta and were also guaranteed success on the karaoke show, allegations of fixing have spiraled out of control

The trouble started when it was revealed that audience members had to be told when to applaud during filming in the 2015 series of the once hit show.
“That?” said Blatter, “No, that’s just because the type of imbecile that gets tickets to see something like X Factor isn’t bright enough to know when a song is finished. Or whether or not they liked it. There’s no fixing going on at all!”
Rumours in The Mirror that The Brooks were put through the judges house stage long before the series started have been denied strongly by Blatter.
Ratings for the show that launched several forgettable people to brief fame and then a career on cruise circuit have been falling every year for a while, and rumours that celebrity arsehole Simon Cowell might return are hoped to boost the ailing show.
“To be honest I only watch it for the crap people in the auditions,” admitted pretty much everyone, “I just want to see some talent-less prat make an arse of themselves, get destroyed by some B list celebs and then storm out promising to prove them wrong from their part-time job at Pound-Island.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.