In the UK we all know and love the kids TV show Doctor Who, because that’s what we’re told to do by the BBC.

On Sunday it was revealed, as long-rumoured, that the 13th incarnation of the popular time-travelling kidnapper would be a totally different kind of human person, a girl.

As the nation rejoiced and celebrated by watching reaction videos of others rejoicing, or being total dicks about it and being angry, one Rochdale local claims that he “hadn’t noticed”. Pretentious prick Alan Johnson says that although he know the announcement was coming, he had been “too busy” to check his social media accounts, or see the news over the past nine months.

When asked what he thought when he watched the unveiling video of Jodie Whittaker, Johnson replied, “I simply thought it was another human being and a great piece of casting”. Over the past few days, he has reportedly told all his colleagues this shocking web of lies, as well as infecting Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Blogger and Snapchat, as though it’s normal.

The pleb continued to lie, “I didn’t exactly stare at the actors crotch, to establish if there was a pork sword. I was admiring the artistic cinematography of the composition”. It has been discovered by a source of the Herald that the jobless 34 year old spends much of his time playing games, watching people play games and eating turkey dinosaurs, cooked by his mother, who he lives with.

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively report that his “friends” and followers on the social networking outlets are equally dubious. Comments included; “BS”, “lOL!! Yer….Whateva!” and “You’re such a liar, you f**king troll! Love Nana xx”.

This controversy has also been met with competition for Johnson as more pompous losers make copycat assertions. However, they are probably just mocking this obnoxious turd.