Ed Sheeran

Night out at Ed Sheeran gig ruined by Ed Sheeran music

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A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from...

“One walk a day more than enough” say The Proclaimers

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Following Prime Minister Boris Johnson's announcement that the UK is now in a state of national emergency and that citizens are only permitted to...

Euro TV Satellite expected to fall on Rochdale: “Nothing to fear” say boffins

28.2E Astra2/Eurobird1 may not mean anything to most people, but it is very much in the minds of worried Rochdale residents who have recently...

The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale

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Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one...
Alanis Morisette

Alanis Morisette to rename 1996 hit Inconvenient after learning what Ironic means

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Canadian rock songstress Alanis Morisette has re-written her 1996 classic single "Ironic" after finally meeting a British person who filled her in on the meaning of the word irony.

Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned...

Florence and Dougal quit UK over Brexit fears

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In a shock move, Magic Roundabout stars Florence and Dougal have announced they are quitting the UK to move back to their native France...
Boris Johnson wins Hunted

Boris Johnson evades detection to win 2020 season of Hunted

Using an impressive combination of stealth, sneakiness and bare-faced cheek, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has trounced both his opponents and his pursuers to claim...

Viewers hail best X Factor episode in years as sound fails

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X Factor viewers are hailing last nights episode of The X Factor, the greatest episode ever after the sound failed. The still inexplicably popular show, featuring people sucking...

Teenager on Love Island talks b******s for 60 minutes

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Television viewers were left cringing tonight by one of the contestants on hit TV show Love Island. Valerie Still said, "It was awful. They each...
Lord Sugar from The Apprentice

Lord Sugar to humiliate 18 tossers in annual quest to find nation’s biggest twat

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Hairy scrotum faced narcissist and entrepreneur, Lord Sugar, has launched his annual challange to find the UK's biggest arsehole after himself. The one time Klingon...

Greta Thunberg urges politicians to think of the planet they are leaving for Keith...

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Greta Thunberg has urged politicians to consider the planet they are leaving for Keith Richards when making policies that affect the climate. Speaking just before...
Candice

Bake Off Champion Candice announces conversion to Islam

Candice Clay, winner of the 2016 Great British Bake off, has sensationally announced She is converting to Islam.

Mary Berry to retire from television

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With the news that The Great British Bake-Off is to move to Channel 4, host and national treasure Mary Berry has announced her retirement...
Marxist Bedwetter

John Lewis advert “Darkly Sinister”

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John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black...

The Verve say lack of racism due to drugs not working

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Indie stalwarts, The Verve have revealed that the in inspiration for their hit song, The Drugs Don't Work, was their inability to be racist. The...

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