Nigella returns with a series on how to wank vegetables
After a 5 year absence from our screens while laying into toot, Nigella Lawson returns to our screens this week with a series dedicated to suggestively stroking root vegetables.
After many years paying attention...
Paul Nutall announces he’s going to be the next Doctor
Early last week news broke that Peter Capaldi will stepping down from the iconic role after this year's Christmas special.
Speculation has been rife as to who will replace Capaldi in the Doctor's next incarnation,...
Piers Morgan caught rummaging through bins looking for the smirk that’s been wiped off...
Voice mail enthusiast and professional shit stirrer, Piers Morgan, has been spotted scouring the bins behind a Lidl in Hammersmith.
The toe faced smarm slinger was said to look 'visibly shaken', as he frantically searched...
Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse announce major UK Tour from end of March
Classic rock band The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced plans to get back together and hit the road in the U.K. on March 29th.
Featuring all four original members, the band released a...
Dame Judi Dench Shows Off New Tattoo
Dame Judi Dench, 81 years young, gave the world it's first sneak preview of her first ever tattoo at this afternoon's premiere of Aladdin at Rochdale's Gracie Fields Theatre.
'Ive been well into Ryan since...
Gary Glitter releases Christmas single, In the Brownies
Gary Glitter is releasing a new single in time for the Christmas number 1 battle.
The song, a cover version of "In the Brownies" is Glitter's first new material for 3 decades.
A spokesman said, "This...
Greta Thunberg named Time’s Person of the Year for stopping Coldplay touring
Greta Thunberg has won Time magazine's Person of the Year for her work in stopping Coldplay from touring.
Thunberg said, "All of my life there has been this elephant in the room. Something nobody wants...
Satire Is Officially Obsolete, Satirists Announce
Satirists have officially announced that satire is no more, it has been confirmed.
A spokesman on behalf of satirists, announced, "As of January 31st 2017, satire is dead."
Satire has been called obsolete in the past,...
Rochdale TV Company Suffers Latest Blow
Executives at Rotherham based media company Hot Pot Productions were left floundering today after yet another blow, the announcement that their flagship production, a reboot of the popular afternoon quiz show 'Going For Gold,'...
Local Entrepreneur Makes Big Hit On Dragon’s Den
Local businessman Vinnie 'Fingers' McPherson entered the big league in the world of high finance today when his appearance on TV's popular Dragon's Den show took him from pitch to rich.
"I love doing this show" a...
Charlie Brooker commits suicide whilst writing his 2016 Wipe
The much loved satirist repeatedly smashed his face into his own coffee table whilst reading through a draft of his hugely anticipated show.
In the annual show, Brooker was famous for dissecting the previous year...
Pete Tong devastated after career ending snaps revealed
Pete Tong was said to be devastated this morning after learning that his career as a top international DJ is effectively over.
The former Radio 1 DJ awoke this afternoon to discover that all of...
Rochdale in mourning as Willy Wonka actor Brian Cox dies in his sleep
The much loved character was played by the very youthful looking 83 year old Scientist, Actor and Professor Brian Cox who sadly passed away earlier today.
Cox was a genius of comedy timing and a...
Blade Runner sequel to be every bit as good as Prometheus
The news that the sequel to Sci Fi classic Blade Runner is being banged together finally made the news today after a worker was injured by blatant excuse to get people interested in the...
Alanis Morisette to rename 1996 hit Inconvenient after learning what Ironic means
Canadian rock songstress Alanis Morisette has re-written her 1996 classic single "Ironic" after finally meeting a British person who filled her in on the meaning of the word irony.
GBBO causes football fracas
It has been revealed that last night's violence at the London stadium was caused when West Ham fans chanted the name of the Bake Off winner. Knowing full well that Chelsea fans had it...
