Rees Mogg

Freestyle rapper, Rees-Moggy Mogg to win back Conservative youth vote

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In a bid to appear more accessible to young people the Conservative party have updated the image of some of their more prominent MPs. The...
Boris Johnson wins Hunted

Boris Johnson evades detection to win 2020 season of Hunted

Using an impressive combination of stealth, sneakiness and bare-faced cheek, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has trounced both his opponents and his pursuers to claim...
Corbyn Glastonbury

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

23
Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these...

Prince Harry gets job as Prince Harry look-alike

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Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada. His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince...
Doctor Who

Gritty realism of Doctor Who ‘stretched beyond credulity’ by absence of penis

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Hard-hitting documentary Doctor Who, dedicated to exposing the harsh reality of spontaneously-regenerating Time Lords, has become 'a laughing stock ruined by periods', agree internet...

Radiohead Gig Attracts Record Number Of Twats

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Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig. It is estimated that,...

Victory for disability campaigners as Broccoli family confirm next Bond will be paraplegic

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The next James Bond will be played by a paraplegic actor, Eon Productions has announced. Auditions for Daniel Craig’s replacement will begin in the summer...
Doctor Who

Calls for end to austerity as BBC reveal they can only afford female to...

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Cost cutting at state broadcaster curtails roles for male actors. The BBC has responded to continuing pressure from central government to reduce costs by reducing...
Ramones

Onlookers stunned as man in Ramones t-shirt successfully names two band members

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The patrons and entire staff team at The Reed public house were in shock yesterday, after a man wearing a culturally iconic but no...
Lord Sugar from The Apprentice

Lord Sugar to humiliate 18 tossers in annual quest to find nation’s biggest twat

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Hairy scrotum faced narcissist and entrepreneur, Lord Sugar, has launched his annual challange to find the UK's biggest arsehole after himself. The one time Klingon...

Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle should settle rift with bikini jelly wrestling demand Daily...

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Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling. Express reader, Ian...

Feminist nominated for comedy award they didn’t enter after Facebook tirade

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Ipswich feminist Leigh Askew has been included on the shortlist for a new category at the British Comedy Awards. The inaugural Funniest Social Media Post...

Nigella returns with a series on how to wank vegetables

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After a 5 year absence from our screens while laying into toot, Nigella Lawson returns to our screens this week with a series dedicated...

Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse announce major UK Tour from end of March

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Classic rock band The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced plans to get back together and hit the road in the U.K. on...
Homeless

Survey reveals homeless choose to live on streets so they cannot appear on Come...

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To many, the issue of homelessness invokes thoughts of a person falling on hard times, perhaps even drink, drugs, or criminality. Now, the latest...

Climate crisis totally worth it if it stops Coldplay touring, says Greta Thunberg

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Greta Thunberg has announced that complete environmental collapse will be worth it now that Coldplay have announced they will stop touring to help save...

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