Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West
Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”
John Lewis advert “Darkly Sinister”
John Lewis, purveyors of things that ultimately no one needs or wants, has made everything better with a darkly sinister tale about a black...
Climate crisis totally worth it if it stops Coldplay touring, says Greta Thunberg
Greta Thunberg has announced that complete environmental collapse will be worth it now that Coldplay have announced they will stop touring to help save...
?Miranda Hart falls over for the last time
During a performance in Derbyshire last night Miranda Hart fell over and no one laughed.
"It just wasn't funny" said super fan Ewan King who...
Thousands gather in London to watch fireworks through their phones
Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones.
Over a hundred thousand people...
Euro TV Satellite expected to fall on Rochdale: “Nothing to fear” say boffins
28.2E Astra2/Eurobird1 may not mean anything to most people, but it is very much in the minds of worried Rochdale residents who have recently...
Tommy Robinson arrested outside Big Brother house for live streaming name of 1st evictee
Police were called by the bigwigs at Channel 5 today to have self proclaimed journalist and all round twat Tommy Robinson removed from outside...
Tragedy strikes as Dogs Die in Hot Cars die in hot car
The late 1990's Scottish Indy Rock community is in mourning today after hearing the news that the ironically named band Dogs Die in Hot...
Pete Tong devastated after career ending snaps revealed
Pete Tong was said to be devastated this morning after learning that his career as a top international DJ is effectively over.
The former Radio...
Hollywood blockbuster may not feature Benedict Cumberbatch
Controversy struck Hollywood today when news broke that a new high budget movie might not feature Bendable Cramplebitch.
"2017 is a brand new year," said...
Onlookers stunned as man in Ramones t-shirt successfully names two band members
The patrons and entire staff team at The Reed public house were in shock yesterday, after a man wearing a culturally iconic but no...
Mike Pence attends Broadway musical by mistake
Vice-President elect Mike Pence was roundly booed after he attended a performance of Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’ entirely by accident.
Nuttall Claims Best Actor At Oscars
Armenian born British Actor Constantine Felangi, better known by his stage name of Paul Nuttall, seized the coveted golden statue for Best Actor at...
Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle should settle rift with bikini jelly wrestling demand Daily...
Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling.
Express reader, Ian...
Bake Off Champion Candice announces conversion to Islam
Candice Clay, winner of the 2016 Great British Bake off, has sensationally announced She is converting to Islam.
The Smiths to reform for Cameron benefit concert
Legendary 80s Manchester miserablists The Smiths are to reform for a one-off benefit concert for former UK prime minister David Cameron, a spokesperson for...
