Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle should settle rift with bikini jelly wrestling demand Daily...

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Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling. Express reader, Ian...

?Miranda Hart falls over for the last time

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During a performance in Derbyshire last night Miranda Hart fell over and no one laughed. "It just wasn't funny" said super fan Ewan King who...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling wins Turner Prize for dystopian work “Railway Timetable in May”

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The Turner Prize committee has announced that this year's prize will be awarded to Chris Grayling for his dystopian work, "Railway Timetable in May". A...
Rees Mogg

Freestyle rapper, Rees-Moggy Mogg to win back Conservative youth vote

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In a bid to appear more accessible to young people the Conservative party have updated the image of some of their more prominent MPs. The...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

BBC Announce Sequel to ‘Bake Off’

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Following the loss of ‘The Great British Bake Off’ to a rival commercial channel, the BBC have been struggling to come up with another...

Nigella returns with a series on how to wank vegetables

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After a 5 year absence from our screens while laying into toot, Nigella Lawson returns to our screens this week with a series dedicated...

Florence and Dougal quit UK over Brexit fears

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In a shock move, Magic Roundabout stars Florence and Dougal have announced they are quitting the UK to move back to their native France...
Corbyn Glastonbury

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

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Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these...
Lucy Worsley

Lucy Worsley to front 10 part series on History of Lucy Worsley

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Dishy blonde TV historian Lucy Worsley Monday announced that she will be presenting a new 10 part series "The Entire History of Lucy Worsley". The new...
Candice

Bake Off Champion Candice announces conversion to Islam

Candice Clay, winner of the 2016 Great British Bake off, has sensationally announced She is converting to Islam.

Satire Is Officially Obsolete, Satirists Announce

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Satirists have officially announced that satire is no more, it has been confirmed. A spokesman on behalf of satirists, announced, "As of January 31st 2017,...

The Smiths to reform for Cameron benefit concert

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Legendary 80s Manchester miserablists The Smiths are to reform for a one-off benefit concert for former UK prime minister David Cameron, a spokesperson for...

Beautiful South Issue Product Recall Over “Song for Whomever”

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Paul Heaton of The Beautiful South has apologised to fans and recalled all recordings after a significant grammatical error came to light on "Song...

Gerry Anderson to Return as String Puppet

Die-hard Thunderbirds fans are celebrating the surprise announcement that Gerry Anderson is to headline the upcoming Cromer 60s Festival. North Norfolk District Council broke the...

Channel 4 to launch Halal-friendly version of Countdown

Channel 4 has announced plans to launch a 'Halal-friendly' version of its popular quiz show, Countdown. An established favourite with pensioners, students and people who...

Experts agree that Josh Widdicombe is not bigger than Jesus

Theologists now agree that diminutive Josh Widdicombe is not the Second Coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Speculation had run rife that, having been born...

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