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Samuel Thurston

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Gay Pride

‘Just a phase’ movement finally represented at London Gay Pride

In another great victory for liberal tolerance, the much maligned "just a phase" movement will be properly recognised at tomorrow's London Pride. In between...

Queen shows solidarity with NHS workers by only accepting 1% pay rise

Her Maj Queen Elizabeth II today graciously accepted a £6m pay increase in order to show solidarity with nurses and teachers. "I heard that public...

Ant in rehab after Dec shoots him in the eye with paintball gun

The North East was rocked today as Ant revealed he has been shot in the eye by long time friend and co-presenter Dec.
Andy Murray

Andy Murray’s Mum still won’t let him quit tennis club

The Rochdale Herald has discovered that Andy Murray's Mum still won't let him quit tennis club. "She promised me that if I won Wimbledon I...

Corbyn criticised over links to NWA

Controversial Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been heavily criticised for his links to rap group NWA. A picture of Jeremy "terrorists are my mates" Corbyn sipping gin and juice with rapper Easy E has been largely shared across social media.
Katie Hopkins

Nation unites in devising final solution to Katie Hopkins

The nation has been shaken by the cowardly attacks in Manchester. This terrible, cowardly attack on innocent concert goers is irrefutably horrible and humour cannot be derived from it.

NHS recruit Clippit the Paperclip to defend against hackers. 

NHS boffins have rolled out the big guns this week, spending over half of their £42.50 IT budget on futuristic anti-virus software. ? "We needed someone...
Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...

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