A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams.

“It’s not just the size” said knob measuring boffin Dr Klopp of Rochdale’s Community University Tackle Measurement Department “it’s what you do with it. Man United fans’ penises are not only the smallest, but also the cheesiest and most prone to impotence”

It is widely accepted that United fans are aware of this fact, those with the most minuscule willies buy Wayne Rooney replica shirts to proudly identify themselves to others.

“It’s hard work being a United fan” said Mark Clattenberg, head of the MUFC Fan Club “first you’ve got to drive all the way up from Essex to go to a game, now this. I had a normal sized wilkins before I started going to Old Trafford, but it’s shrunk a little more every season”

The research also confirmed a few other footy stereotypes: Arsenal fans live almost exclusively on prawn sandwiches, Stoke fans feel no pain and Chelsea fans were more likely to attend UKIP meetings.

Gary Neville was unavailable for comment.