Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

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Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale's now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws...

Police concern as Derbyshire sees record levels of panic hiking

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Police have appealed to members of the public to exert self restraint as hordes of bored walkers descended on Britain's highways and byways and...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

30
Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of...

Pretentious Burnley couple having a thanksgiving dinner can’t understand why nobody’s coming

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A Rochdale family have been telling The Rochdale Herald how a Burnley couple have invited them to Thanksgiving dinner tonight. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale...

Fatties looking forward to annual visit to gym

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Treadmills and exercise bikes across the country are being reinforced and production of industrial strength lycra is at record levels as the annual rush...

Children thrilled it’s only three UKIP leaders till Christmas

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Have your children been counting down the days since the end of the summer holidays? Christmas is coming up fast and nobody is more excited...

Island hipster cafe causes uproar with coal roasted pulled puffin bap breakfast

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The Island cafe in Kirkwall has hit the national news headlines today for all the wrong reasons for its coal roasted, pulled puffin bap...

Bank Holiday Not Fucking  Long Enough Decide People 

1
Bank Holidays are not long enough according to a multi-pound survey commissioned by The Rochdale Herald. "It's 2016 for Christ's sake! Normal weekends should be...
Boris Johnson

Foreign Office warns tourists not to travel to Iran while Boris Johnson is foreign...

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In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already...

Terrify your neighbours with The Original Trumpkin

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Make your own Original Trumpkin! Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with...

Couple to Celebrate 20th Wedding Anniversary by Pushing Beds Together

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Local couple, Steve and Barbara Dickinson, plan to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary by pushing their single beds together and possibly even having sex. Barbara...

Brexit Halloween Threat

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Preparations for the commercialisation of an ancient pagan tradition were thrown into disarray today when importers of Halloween costumes reported that due to poor...

Ryan Air and EasyJet Shit Themselves as Government Look Into Banning Alcohol on Flights

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Budget airlines are in a state of panic as the government task some Lord to look into the possibility that alcohol could be banned...

Man considering buying his wife lingerie for Christmas almost certainly shouldn’t.

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Research has found that the average bloke considering buying his wife lingerie this Christmas should probably not. "For a start, most blokes buy scarlet nylon...

Crossfitter reprimanded after failing to disclose he does Crossfit to stranger

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Heavily trapped shoulders shrugged a sigh of relief today as justice was served to a rogue Crossfitter who failed to tell every single person...
Blackpool

People who wanted our country back surprised to discover that it’s still here

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Eurosceptic holidaymakers are swapping Corfu for Cornwall, Lanzarote for Llandudno. British travel agents report that Brits are going to UK destinations they never knew...

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