In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already visited.
On Tuesday night, the Foreign Office issued a worldwide travel warning, saying Britons were at a risk of attack as a result of the Foreign Secretary’s now legendary “faux-pas Tourette’s”.
The warning also applies to every country in the World that bumbling thundercunt Boris Johnson has even barely mentioned, in passing, whilst in a state of “extreme refreshment” at his club.
Updated travel guidance on the FCO’s website reflects a “generalised threat” to Britons, rather than intelligence of a specific and credible attack. It also said that anyone with a plummy, public school English accent was particularly in danger.
The warning states: “There is considered to be a heightened threat of terrorist attack globally against British nationals from groups or individuals motivated by Boris Johnson being an utter dick.
“You should be vigilant at this time, particularly if you are English, because when foreign people say they hate the British, they actually mean the English. All of them. All the time.”
Whilst the FCO did not really want to say it, Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish travellers are pretty much OK.
Loveable Scousers, cheeky-chappy Geordies and unintelligible Cornishmen are also at lower risk. However, the travel ban on the fat-tonged, Mockney wanker Jamie Oliver still remains in place on a point of principal.
The list of destinations the FCO are happy to declare as safe following Mr Johnson’s “interventions” are listed on their website.
They include; Gotham City, Mordor, the fabled underwater Kingdom of Atlantis & Leeds.