A talented group of female footballing MPs have no choice except to train for football games in the House of Commons

Starting a new football team had seemed such a good idea.  Especially one for minorities traditionally excluded from access to healthy pursuits, like MPs.  But the lady MPs faced road block after road block from leisure centre jobsworths.

“We put our booking in for 12 noon Saturdays, as that is the time that suits us all best.  When the chap at the desk said he’d see what he could do, we assumed he recognised us as a disaffected minority group and would give us priority.”

“Imagine our surprise when they told us Westminster FC had been playing there for over 20 years and they weren’t going to move them to make way for us?  It’s ridiculous, don’t they know the trouble we can make for them at the Council?”

A tired sounding booking clerk told the Herald that he had offered to accommodate the ladies at 5pm but they weren’t interested.

“This is a scandal of national importance.  We have no opportunity to play unless we do it in Parliament.”

We asked MPs whether there would be more opportunity to access facilities if there were more facilities.  Indeed, whether it might make sense to introduce legislation requiring building firms to include sports and culture provision as part of their works, rather than a token s106 school at best.  Perhaps overseen by a local development corporation rather than broken up for profit.

Unfortunately, they were too busy focussed on keepie uppies to notice the desolate wasteland of dormitory blocks and an occasional Tesco Express forming around them. 

We wish them luck with their new team.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?