The cult of hipsterism which has seemingly infested the planet since forever appears to have finally reached its tipping point, The Rochdale Herald has found.

The movement, in which participants strive to look like the bass player in an obscure Americana band, has proved harder to get rid of than a hipster from an artisan cheese shop. However, indications are that it has reached its melting point as hipster brewery BrewDogma released its latest offering ‘Pump Up The 5.2 Volume’ yesterday.

Described as a ‘vegan single-source triple organic hopped hazy untuned New England DIPA with hints of Earl Grey and Lavender Water’ this beer is carbonated by hand using vintage bicycle tyre pumps.

This level of crushing self-parody allied to the Covid shutdown of artisan charcoal-fired bakeries and over studious coffee emporia seems to suggest that there may be an imminent downturn in ancillary industries such as beard ‘product’ and pocket watch-fob reconditioning.