Popular scarfing establishment Burger King has announced a new super-sized 126 ounce milkshake, to be released on Jun 2nd in time for the visit of Donald Trump and his escort the following day.
Company boss Reginald D Chockeiss confirmed,
“It will be the biggliest dairy drink ever sold in the U.K. and will come in three wholly repulsive flavours; baby sick, congealed Stilton and elderly mackerel. This is because our market research indicates few people, if any, are likely to drink it.
“We have decided to call it the Presidential Whopper Shake. We’re very excited about the launch. By ‘launch’ I mean ‘introduction to the market’ rather than ‘throwing’.”
Asked if this did not constitute inciting political violence he replied,
“Not at all. We have certainly not introduced this larger milkshake on the grounds that the sheer bulk of Trump means more volume of shake is required to get a similar coverage ratio to tiny Tommy Bobbinson.
“Furthermore we certainly couldn’t condone suggesting an ideal trajectory of 57 degrees from horizontal if standing 15 feet from the target. In the interests of health and safety, we do need to point out that the drink equates to 6 pounds weight and any less physically able customers wishing, for any reason, to propel a Presidential Whopper through the air, perhaps to try and scare a squirrel that they might have seen lurking dangerously close to Mr Trump, may wish to use some form of mechanical assistance.
“Our Burger King Fun Size Trebuchet is available at only 50p with the purchase of any Presidential Whopper.”