Reports are coming in that a twat has ruined a perfectly serviceable barbecue after finding an old guitar next to a sofa in the back room.

The incident occurred at around 4pm local time as locals were sitting in the garden enjoying overcooked sausages, undercooked chicken and some slightly warm bottles of Belgian lager.

“We were just minding our own business sitting in the garden enjoying the last of the summer when some knobhead got a guitar out.”

“I’m not sure where he found it, but I wish he hadn’t.”

Locals report that not only did he start playing the guitar, but also loudly declared that he needed to tune the fucking thing like “a complete bellend.”

“The mood was pretty good before that. Children were playing, birds were singing and the sun was shining.”

“Trouble is he only knows Nine Inch Nails covers so obviously the sun went in, it started raining and all the birds in the trees committed suicide. It was a pretty ugly scene.”

Several people suffered minor cuts and bruises during the evacuation.

Satire Aid is back!Visit the Satire Aid website.

SHARE
Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.